IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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A lot of people believe that
students
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 aged 18 or below must focus on their learning process by being full-
time
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students
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 . In my opinion,
students
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 in
this
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age
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 group should spend their day studying and learning different
skills
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 at
school
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 because it is very difficult at
this
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age
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 to balance
work
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 and education ,
as well as
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 the
lack
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 of experience that could negatively affect both
study
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 and
work
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 .
Firstly
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, young
age
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students
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 may face
time
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 management problems and an imbalance in life between
work
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 and
study
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 , if they choose to be part-
time
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students
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.
Furthermore
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, the process of arranging
time
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 between different tasks is a
skill
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 that needs to be learned over
time
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 and those children and teenagers are not mature enough to be excellent at
this
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skill
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.
For example
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,
students
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 spend 8
hours
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 in
school
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 and sometimes more if they need additional classes , after
school
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 they will spend more than 2
hours
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 in training centres or in finishing their homework
,
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apply
show examples
 if they want to add a part-
time
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 job for 4
hours
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 above that , it will lead to fewer sleep
hours
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 or
lack
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 of
time
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 to
study
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 . Another reason for supporting full-
time
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students
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 is the
lack
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 of different
skills
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 that are important to achieving
work
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 goals.
In other words
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,
school
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 is the source of learning life basic
skills
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 and a variety of other
skills
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 that must
have
Verb problem
be acquired
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 as an employee.
For instance
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 , a job that needs computer
skills
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 needs a worker that has
studiedthat
Correct your spelling
studied that
skill
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 in
school
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.
Also
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, reading the job offer or contract needs
students
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 who learned that basic
skill
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 in
school
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.
Lack
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 of experience
due to
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lack
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 of knowledge affects personal life and
work
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 goals. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
age
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 group 18 and below must be
a full-
Correct the article-noun agreement
a full-time student
full-time students
show examples
time
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students
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 and focus on
school
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 achievements as it is the foundation for their future .
Lack
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 of experience, knowledge and
time
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 management
skills
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 is common in
this
Linking Words
age
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 group , which may have a negative impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-
time
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study
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 or
work
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.

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task achievement
Consider improving the clarity and depth of your arguments by showcasing more comprehensive examples or explaining your points further. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your ideas flow more smoothly from one point to the next, using linking words or phrases to enhance coherence. This will improve your logical structure and overall clarity.
strength
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main argument, which is an important aspect of writing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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