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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Scientist agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damanging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by education people while others believe that this education will not work. Discuss buth view and give your opinion.

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In today’s rapidly changing world, the widespread consumption of
junk
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food
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 has become a subject of heated debate.
While
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 some
people
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 argue that educating individuals about healthy lifestyles can significantly reduce the intake of
junk
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food
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, others contend that
education
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 alone is insufficient to change long-established eating habits. I firmly believe that informing
people
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 about healthier
food
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 choices is an effective solution because it raises awareness and empowers them to make better decisions on their own. One significant reason supporting
this
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 view is that
education
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 provides individuals with the necessary knowledge to understand the
health
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 risks associated with
junk
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food
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.
This
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 is primarily because many
people
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 lack a clear understanding of what constitutes a balanced diet.
For instance
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, a 2013 study from Cambridge University revealed that 72
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of participants were unaware of basic nutritional guidelines, underscoring the importance of
health
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education
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.
Thus
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,
this
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 factor clearly demonstrates the need for educational initiatives that inform
people
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 about the disadvantages of consuming
junk
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food
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. Another important aspect to consider is that
education
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 not only informs but
also
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 engages individuals in pursuing long-term lifestyle changes.
This
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 factor is crucial because when
people
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 comprehend the benefits of a healthy diet, they are more likely to adopt sustainable eating habits rather than relying on temporary fixes.
For example
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, advising someone to reduce
junk
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food
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 without explaining why often results in only short-term changes.
Consequently
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, a comprehensive educational approach can lead to lasting improvements in community
health
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. In summary,
while
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 some argue that
education
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 may not be enough to change deep-seated habits, the evidence indicates that increasing awareness and engagement through
education
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 is essential.
This
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 leads to the conclusion that empowering
people
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 with knowledge is a vital step towards combating the negative effects of
junk
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food
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 consumption.
Therefore
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, addressing
this
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 issue effectively through targeted educational programs could have profound benefits for public
health
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.

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Task Achievement
Consider adding a brief counterargument to show a more nuanced understanding of the issue. Mentioning why some believe education may not be effective can strengthen your argument further.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your logical structure is strong, incorporating more linking phrases could improve the flow between points. This can help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Task Achievement
The essay presents clear, relevant examples that enhance your argument about the importance of education on dietary choices.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is effective, with a strong introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your main points well.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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