IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people like to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some argue that it is better to spend free
time
Use synonyms
 alone without the company of colleagues to prevent unnecessary talks,
while
Linking Words
 others think differently because spending
time
Use synonyms
 together will develop friendships.
This
Linking Words
 essay thinks that it is more important to grow a good connection with teammates. On the one hand, some prefer to have self-quality
time
Use synonyms
 because they want to avoid unnecessary inconvenience with their colleagues.
This
Linking Words
 is because when hanging out together, they tend to talk about various topics, sometimes including sharing about their personal life. Some people do not want to share their private lives because coworkers gossip.
This
Linking Words
 gossip will cause inconvenience for them at work and they prefer not to be the topic of the talk.
For example
Linking Words
, it is common for workers to gossip, and the news travels fast. Some of them will have subjective views on someone that will affect their professional work.
However
Linking Words
, if someone can restrain themselves and avoid any personal talk, it would be fine.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, spending free
time
Use synonyms
together with
Linking Words
 friends from the same company will improve the relationship. Through informal settings, peers can develop a sense of friendship towards others. They will likely be more cooperative and collaborative. Their close peers may voluntarily offer help when they need it.
Thus
Linking Words
 developing a good connection with teammates is a good thing that eventually supports their jobs.
For instance
Linking Words
, research shows that employees tend to have better performance when they have supportive work partners. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 enjoying free
time
Use synonyms
 alone without colleagues will save someone from unnecessary conflicts, developing a good connection with coworkers will support someone’s performance.
This
Linking Words
 essay believes that as long as individuals can draw a line, it is better to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with others.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear and logical structure. While the main points were identifiable, the transitions between them could be smoother. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to begin each paragraph to enhance the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion were present, but they could be more engaging and better mirror each other. The introduction should clearly state what both sides of the argument are, as well as your own stance, and the conclusion should clearly summarize the points made and reiterate your stance without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more developed and pertinent examples. The example given about gossip among workers was somewhat relevant, but lacked specificity. Use detailed examples, possibly citing studies or statistics that strengthen the argument you are making.
task achievement
You addressed the task and presented a viewpoint that offered a balanced discussion between spending leisure time alone or with colleagues. Be sure to thoroughly address the prompt and develop each side of the argument equally before providing your opinion.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and you present an argument that is easy to comprehend, but try to develop your ideas further by expanding on them and clarifying why these ideas are important. Offer deeper insights into the issue and elaborate on the implications or potential outcomes of the positions you discuss.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your points which would demonstrate real-world application and understanding of the topic. Your current examples are general and do not sufficiently illustrate the points you are making. Specific examples or case studies would enhance your argument's credibility and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: