In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem?

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A phenomenon of growing concern is child obesity. In my opinion, there are a lot of reasons that lead to

this

Linking Words

situation, which can be avoided through

government

Use synonyms

control of

food

Use synonyms

production, and,

in addition

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, by

parents

Use synonyms

monitoring what their

children

Use synonyms

eat. Nowadays, there is a growing percentage of the younger population that suffers from obesity. What

lead

Wrong verb form

led

show examples

this

Linking Words

phenomenon are a lot of factors.

Firstly

Linking Words

parents

Use synonyms

are not aware of how much sugar is contained in different foods,

such

Linking Words

yogurt

Change the spelling

yoghurt

show examples

and fruit juice;

therefore

Linking Words

, by constantly being fed

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

sugary foods,

children

Use synonyms

become addicted to the flavour

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and crave it.

Consequently

Linking Words

, they keep eating copious amounts of sugar

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

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makes them gain weight.

Secondly

Linking Words

, eating fast

food

Use synonyms

is one of the main causes related to weight gain.

Parents

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underestimate the problems that constantly eating out can cause

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their

children

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, especially since fast

food

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restaurants serve

food

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thick with saturated fats, which are plenty of calories.

For example

Linking Words

Mc Donald

Correct your spelling

McDonald

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is one of the most famous fast

food

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restaurants, and their

food

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is known for being cooked with a huge amount of oil that gets absorbed by the products. To solve

this

Linking Words

problem, both

parents

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and the

government

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have to act.

Parents

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need to learn the importance of homemade meals, creating nutritional plans for their

children

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while

Linking Words

monitoring what they eat every day, and allowing sweets only a few times a month. Meanwhile, the

government

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has to take action regarding

food

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regulations, with stricter control on

food

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labels, ensuring that they are not misleading

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and that restaurants follow required standards. In conclusion, a lot of factors are to blame for the growing trend of child obesity, like sugar and fast

food

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. To solve

this

Linking Words

matter,

parents

Use synonyms

need to be more aware and the

government

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is required to strictly monitor the whole sector.

anna.marchetti23Thu Apr 03 2025

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coherence

Consider rephrasing some sentences for better clarity, especially in the introduction where the phrase 'which can be avoided through government control of food production' could be more clearly linked to the reasons stated in the essay.

coherence

In the second paragraph, ensure that you connect the points more smoothly by using linking words that guide the reader through your arguments, enhancing flow.

task achievement

When presenting examples, you can provide more detailed or varied examples, particularly in the context of parental responsibilities or government actions, to strengthen your arguments.

task achievement

You effectively identified key reasons contributing to childhood obesity, such as the impact of sugary foods and fast food consumption. This demonstrates your understanding of the topic.

coherence

The structure of your essay is clear, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs discussing different factors, and a conclusion that summarizes your arguments, which improves readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

305 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

childhood obesity
sedentary lifestyle
balanced diet
fast food
sugary snacks
physical activity
nutrition education
health campaigns
public health initiatives
government regulations
home-cooked meals
extracurricular sports
digital entertainment
sedentary behavior

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In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem?

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Robots and artificial intelligence are being developed to replace humans in the workplace. Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society

Wild Animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more peoplt the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this question?

In some countries, parents expect children to spend long time in studying both in and after school and have less free time. What are the positive or negative effects on children and society they live in?