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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that the increasing use of technology in education is having a negative impact on students' learning abilities. Others argue that technology is a valuable tool that enhances learning. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In our contemporary society, some people advocate that the soaring
use
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 of technological devices in education is having a negative impact on students' learning abilities.
On the other hand
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, others argue that using
technology
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 in classes is significant because these tools enhance learning
skills
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. In the impending paragraphs,
this
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 essay will elucidate my opinion on
this
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 topic and discuss the pros and cons of
this
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 phenomenon. First and foremost,
technology
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 has been significant since the beginning of the 21st century. We
use
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 technological devices in all parts of life,
such
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 as hospitals, armies, schools, etc.
Technology
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 makes our lives easier.
Furthermore
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, which is vital for our lives, we should
use
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 technological tools in schools like smartboards and tablets. These tools can boost children’s learning
skills
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 with applications and games. From my standpoint, the increasing
use
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 of
technology
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 in education has a heavily positive impact on children’s learning abilities.
Moreover
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, we should not reject the benefits of
technology
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 in
this
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 century.
Nevertheless
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, others argue that
technology
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 is unbeneficial and does not enhance learning in school for some specific reasons. They think younger people can look at their smartphones during the lessons.
This
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 complaint is correct; teachers can fix it by gathering smartphones before the lessons.
Furthermore
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, Teachers can enhance students' learning
skills
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 and may prevent distractions. All in all,
This
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 has sparked significant debates about
technology
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, and balancing these two perspectives is a complex challenge. We must logically
use
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technology
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 in every field.
Thus
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, we can improve our life qualities and understanding
skills
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.

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Task Achievement
The introduction is clear, but it could benefit from a more defined thesis statement that directly states your opinion on the matter.
Task Achievement
The second paragraph presents a strong argument, but expanding with more specific examples or real-life applications of technology in education would enhance its effectiveness.
Coherence and Cohesion
There are minor grammatical issues, such as 'which is vital for our lives' which could be more succinct. Consider revising sentences for clarity and conciseness.
Coherence and Cohesion
Transitions between ideas could be strengthened to improve the overall flow of the essay. Adding transitional phrases can help readers follow your argument more smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion is somewhat abrupt and could be developed further to summarize your main points effectively and reinforce your opinion.
Task Achievement
You successfully present both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexities of the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your language reflects a good use of vocabulary, which adds to the quality of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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