IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The tendency of news media to focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#tendency #news #media #focus #emergencies #developments #individuals #society
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Nowadays,
news
media
 has become one of the pillars of the country’s economy. For that reason, there was some statement that the propensity of broadcast journalism to concentrate on troubles and crises rather than positive improvement is damaging for communities and society. I totally agree with that statement as I probably think
that is
 the duty of the
news
media
.
To begin
, it can be seen clearly that more
people
 living in several urban areas have a curiosity about the
news
 around them and the world.
As a result
, the
news
media
 appeared to meet the demands of every individual.
In particular
,
news
media
 provide alerts to the public like traffic conditions, financial increases, the tendency of health,…
Furthermore
, the large information about everything in society alerts
people
 about impending disasters, introducing them to the useful way to protect themselves and their families. It is like an emergency to tackle the anxiety in communities.
On the other hand
, the report of problems and emergencies will illustrate society the preparedness and solution to solve the impending bad events.
For example
, the prediction of riots, vandals, and civil wars can answer the question among
people
 “What we can prepare for
this
?” and
news
media
 will help individuals to live safely and go through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disastrous events. Taking everything into account, I actually believe that
news
media
 should give the details of several challenges and extremities to
people
 to be aware of the serious impending disasters.
That is
 a useful way to improve awareness among the
people
 in the city.
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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task and states your position effectively. However, the argument can be strengthened by including more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Consider providing examples from real-life news events that illustrate the impact of media focusing on problems.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve coherence, make sure to use a variety of cohesive devices and connectors. For instance, words like 'moreover,' 'in contrast,' and 'consequently' can help create a smoother flow between your ideas.
task achievement
Expand on your main points to make the discussion more comprehensive. For example, discuss the psychological impact on individuals and the societal implications in greater depth. This will help in providing a more rounded argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and develops it fully before moving on to the next point. This will make your argument easier to follow and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a strong conclusion that restates your opinion effectively. This is a key aspect of a well-structured essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt clearly and provided relevant points to support your argument. This demonstrates a good understanding of the task requirement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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