IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, many animals becoming extinct. Some people believe that countries and individuals must solve this problem. Others believe that human being are more important. Discuss view and give your own opinion

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Introduction
These days, lots of
animals
Use synonyms
becoming
Verb problem
have
show examples
 disappeared. Some
individuals
Use synonyms
 think that nations and humans should clear up
this
Linking Words
 issue.
However
Linking Words
, others think that
Use synonyms
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
being
Replace the word
beings
show examples
 are more significant.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and present my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
At present ,
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 becoming extinct and the public
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 that nations and
individuals
Use synonyms
 must resolve
this
Linking Words
 problem because
animals
Use synonyms
 improve and
conservation
Replace the word
conserve
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
habitat.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , they thrive
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
ecosysteam
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
 and
this
Linking Words
 is the most crucial issue in the world.
For instance
Linking Words
 , bees
are make
Change the verb form
make
show examples
honey every day and
this
Linking Words
 is healthy for
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 body because honey
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
 your brain
systeam
Correct your spelling
system
 and
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 your
lenght
Correct your spelling
length
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , some people believe that human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 are more vital. Some
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
think that human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
is
Verb problem
are more
show examples
 important than
animals
Use synonyms
 extinct and they
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
improve
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
 , immortality or vaccine. The biggest
healty
Correct your spelling
health
healthy
 problem is cancer but doctors can not improve a cancer vaccine
therefore
Linking Words
 , 1 million people
died
Wrong verb form
die
show examples
 every year
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason.
Body paragraph 3
From my point of view ,
Use synonyms
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
show examples
 extinct are more crucial than
other issue
Change the wording
another issue
other issues
show examples
 because they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
protect to environment and human life.
For example
Linking Words
 ,
megaladon
Correct your spelling
megalodon
 is the biggest animal in the world and it cleans the sea by eating the dirty waste in the sea.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
 , ı
stongly
Correct your spelling
strongly
 believe that
animals
Use synonyms
are develop
Change the verb form
develop
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ecosysteam
Correct your spelling
ecosystems
 and protect to habitat. These
animals
Use synonyms
make
Verb problem
play
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important role in
individuals
Use synonyms
 and we must protect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
extinct
animals
Use synonyms
 for
Correct article usage
a
show examples
good and healthy future.

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grammar
Make sure to use the correct verb forms. For example, use 'animals are disappearing' instead of 'animals becoming disappeared.'
language
Avoid using informal phrases like 'clear up this issue' and instead use more formal alternatives such as 'address this issue.'
examples
Clarify your examples more. For instance, discuss specific conservation issues with bees beyond their role in honey production.
coherence
Strengthen the link between your points and your overall argument about the importance of animals and ecosystems.
task achievement
Provide more details on how loss of animal species directly impacts human life, linking examples back to your argument about their significance.
structure
You present both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
content
Your conclusion summarizes your stance well, reiterating the importance of animals in ecosystems.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extinct (die out)
  • animal/animals
  • home/place they live
  • save
  • protect
  • country/countries
  • person/people
  • act/action
  • law/laws
  • money/funds
  • park/protected area
  • habitat/place animals live
  • pollution
  • hunting/poaching
  • trade
  • education/teaching
  • together/work with others
  • balance
  • future
  • plan
  • problem
  • solution
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