IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Today children spend a lot of their free time watching TV. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this practice? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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These days, a significant number of free hours are spent in front of the television by
children
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.
While
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 watching educational programs can enhance their knowledge, I believe that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits, primarily
due to
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 the negative impact on health. On the one hand, spending a considerable amount of
time
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 watching TV can enhance
children
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's learning. Today, numerous educational programs are broadcast by governments to improve the learning process.
As a result
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,
children
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 can not only gain a deeper understanding of various concepts but can
also
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 engage in learning in an enjoyable and interactive way.
For example
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, science-based channels like Discovery provide
children
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 with practical knowledge, helping them connect concepts to real-life situations.
On the other hand
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, excessive screen
time
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 can lead to several health problems
such
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 as obesity and vision issues.
Children
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 become addicted to screen
time
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 and lose interest in physical activities.
As a result
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, not only are their social connections diminished, but their physical health is
also
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 negatively affected.
Consequently
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, mental pressure increases among them.
For instance
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, a study conducted by Oxford University found that
children
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 who spend excessive
time
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 in front of digital media suffer from both physical and mental issues, which can hinder their
overall
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 development and learning. In conclusion,
while
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children
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 can gain information through digital media, overuse of
such
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 gadgets can harm their well-being. In my opinion, a balanced approach should be adopted to maximize the benefits
while
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 minimizing the drawbacks.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing a clearer distinction between the advantages and disadvantages in the essay—perhaps using more cohesive devices like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' to make transitions smoother.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, try to incorporate a wider variety of examples or case studies to strengthen your argument further.
task achievement
It's important to ensure that each point sufficiently develops the argument. For instance, elaborating more on how children's mental health can be affected by excessive screen time would provide depth.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the mention of educational programs and the study from Oxford University, adds credibility to your argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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