IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

[Detailed report of criminal act in the media can lead to negative effect on society. Therefore news media should be strictly controlled. To what extent do you agree or disagree?]

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The use of news media should be limited because they
are covering
Wrong verb form
cover
show examples
full length
Add a hyphen
full-length
show examples
 incidents that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as it has both negative and positive consequences, will explain my thoughts in the upcoming paragraphs. The first and
formost
Correct your spelling
foremost
 merit point is that it gives transparent information. The broadcasting of news through different sources like
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
, radio, magazines and so on
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 us all the details regarding what's going on around the world and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 us to make ourselves aware whenever go outside or stay home alone. With the help of these
sources
Add a comma
sources,
show examples
 individuals can get some measures to keep themselves safe.
For example
Linking Words
, a news report published by The New York Times found that in America 70% of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
adapted
Correct your spelling
adopted
show examples
 some safety precautions like
turn
Wrong verb form
turning
show examples
 on live location with their near and dear ones or carrying pepper spray to avoid being
getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
harmed by the culprits. The main demerit point of
this
Linking Words
 statement is that it creates fear and anxiety among
people
Use synonyms
.
With the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 detailed coverage of data released by media reporters
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 a situation of uncertainty and depression that can lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
critical health issues. In
this
Linking Words
generation
Add a comma
generation,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are already suffering from many serious. diseases that cannot be cured easily.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 type of
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
also
Linking Words
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of problems for
people
Use synonyms
 who are not familiar with
this
Linking Words
 kind of
publications
Fix the agreement mistake
publication
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, a study
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Hindustan University shows that about 57%
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in stress and trauma just because of media coverage. In conclusion, no doubt multimedia sector
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 numerous benefits to our economy but the transparency of data related to criminal activities or investigations
also
Linking Words
 leads to adverse outcomes for
people
Use synonyms
 who are suffering from severe illnesses.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Try to use a clearer structure for your essay. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea or argument that supports your position.
task achievement
Make sure to address both sides of the argument more evenly, as this can strengthen your position and provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of vocabulary and complex sentences to improve the sophistication of your writing.
task achievement
Your essay engages with the topic and presents a personal viewpoint, which is valuable for expressing your argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which helps clarify your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: