In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

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Undoubtedly, with
people
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's
concept
Fix the agreement mistake
concepts
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changing, having
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house
Add an article
a house
the house
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of their own has
becoming
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become
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more and more important in some countries.
Whearea
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Whereas
some
people
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look upon
this
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situation as something positive, others view it as something negative. As for my perspective, I prefer the former, and the reasons will be thoroughly elaborated on as follows. There are some reasons that
causing
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cause
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people
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think
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to think
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owing
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owning
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a home is more important than renting it in several countries. In tradition,
the
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apply
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older
people
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think that
owing
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owning
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a
house
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means
accomplished
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accomplishing
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.
In other words
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, if
people
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have their own
house
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, it means they earn enough and have
ability
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the ability
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to raise a family. There is a Chinese proverb called ' Owning a
house
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,
then
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owing a family.', which obviously shows their concept. Owing a home has several advantages.
Firstly
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, the money is paid for
your
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on your
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own, not paid for
the
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by the
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landlord, and after paying off the loan, you will have your own
asset
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assets
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.
Secondly
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, if the country
of
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apply
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people
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attend to rent a
house
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, the wealth will be centralized in a certain group, and the
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house
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housing
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market will be controlled by them, which makes the price of
house
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stay high, and the
people
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who truly need the
house
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could not afford it.
Thirdly
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, there is no need to worry about the landlord will ask you to return the
house
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in
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apply
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anytime
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any time
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. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned,
owing
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owning
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a
house
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is a positive situation
due to
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the assets and wealth
averagement
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arrangement
and the traditional concept in some countries.

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task achievement
Your introduction effectively presents your viewpoint, but polishing your thesis statement for clarity could strengthen it. Consider directly stating the main reasons you will discuss in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
The idea development in your paragraphs is good, but try to ensure each point is fully elaborated with specific examples where appropriate. This will enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure grammatical accuracy, especially with verb tenses and subject-verb agreement. For example, 'has becoming' should be 'has become' and 'causing' should be 'causes'.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more fluidly between sentences to improve logical flow. Using transition phrases can guide the reader better through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Variety in vocabulary and sentence structures would enhance your writing. Aim to use synonyms and varied sentence forms to make your argument more engaging.
positive
You provide a clear viewpoint in your introduction, which is essential for guiding the reader through your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
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