IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

To meet the grow need for food to support an increasing population, a country should make use of edible insects as a food source. However, some people believe that insects are not only unhealthy but harvesting them will also negatively affect nature. What are the benefits and drawbacks of eating insects?

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As the gradual incline of people residing, the country should use all the possible options . Making
insects
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 a source of food can be easily accepted by some
part
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parts
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 of
population
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the population
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 .
In
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On
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 the contrary, the rest of the
citizen
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citizens
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 will definitely try to avoid it because of the problem caused to the environment. There are numerous
advantage
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advantages
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 and
disadvantage
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disadvantages
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, as we will discuss in
this
Linking Words
 essay. Eating
insects
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have
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has
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 been really common in many countries like China, Taiwan and Vietnam. It has helped to reduce starvation as it is easily
assesible
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accessible
 to people. Harvesting them is not much of a difficult task and doesn´t require enough skill . Many
Use synonyms
insects
Fix the agreement mistake
insect
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 food
market
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markets
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 are
getting
Verb problem
gaining
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 popularity
due to
Linking Words
 which the locals are earning well to run their livelihood . But most individual´s
mind
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minds
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 get full of disgust thinking of consuming
a
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an
show examples
 insect . There should be good knowledge of edible ones. If we have the one
thats´
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that´s
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 poisonous
then
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 there is a high chance of causing fatal .
Also
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, as per the
research
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research,
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 most
insects
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 rely on wastes for their survival and
we
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apply
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consuming them will directly transfer the infectious bacteria from one human to another .
Covid 19
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COVID-19
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 can be used as the most common example that shook the world.
Also
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, farmers are against cultivating more
insects
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 as they destroy their crops . Not only that if we disturb the flow of those creatures it will affect the bio-cycle of
the
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apply
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nature.
To conclude
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 , the cons outweigh the pros
as
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apply
show examples
of the situation given . People should be made aware
about
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of
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 the danger caused by
insects
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 and necessary precautions should be applied to mitigate the harm caused by it .

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be clearer and more structured. Try stating your main argument more directly and providing a brief overview of what you will discuss. This helps set the stage for your readers.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the main argument you are addressing. This aids in maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas by providing more specific examples related to both the benefits and drawbacks of eating insects. This will enhance your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Consider reducing redundancy in your phrases and simplifying your sentence structures for clarity. Avoid phrases like 'the rest of the citizen will definitely try to avoid it'—instead, you could say 'many citizens may be hesitant to try it.'
task achievement
You have successfully highlighted the cultural acceptance of eating insects in certain countries, providing a relevant example.
task achievement
Your discussion of the potential health risks associated with consuming insects reflects a good understanding of the topic's complexities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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