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Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more people are choosing healthy eating and regular exercises. Why? What can we do to encourage this?

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Many populations are adopting healthy lifestyles, including daily exercises and wholesome eating, day by day. I believe the main reasons behind
this
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 action are the rise of fitness influencers and social media culture. One of the reasons why a lot of individuals are trying to avoid junk foods and to be passive is the influence of the up-to-date social media culture for people, especially the consumers of social networks. Because the number of online fitness trainers and profitable content about health on the network has increased.
For example
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, now anyone who wants to be fit can find dietary recipes and suitable exercises on
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online platforms like YouTube.
In addition
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, mobile apps which can help to select and buy membership to their favourite gym near home and workplace online have been created.
Thus
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, these changes inspire people to be more active and serve to encourage the awareness of wellness in the community. An increasing number of individuals are choosing well-balanced lifestyles,
nevertheless
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, workers cannot follow balanced diets and consistent physical activity. Since employees are required to work at designed times, which may sometimes extend throughout the day, they do not have enough time
for doing
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to do
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 regular exercises. There are several key solutions.
Firstly
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, the a need to implement fixable job schedules to accommodate different needs.
Secondly
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, to leverage workplace wellness programs, including organizing break times and places for some activities
such
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 as indoor running and walking.
Therefore
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, accommodating effort schedules and wellness initiatives can help employees maintain a healthier lifestyle. In conclusion, social media and fitness influencers have encouraged
crowd
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 to lives, and
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 trend can be supported
further
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 through flexible job hours and workplace health program

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Task Achievement
Try to provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to outline your main points more explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that relates to the main idea of the paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using more varied transitional phrases to better connect your ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both reasons for the trend of healthy living and possible solutions, demonstrating an understanding of the task.
Task Achievement
You have effectively highlighted the role of social media and fitness influencers in promoting healthy lifestyles, providing a relevant example in your first body paragraph.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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