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Band 6

The chart below gives information about how families and non-countries spend their weekly income in 1968 and and 2018

The chart below gives information about how families and non-countries spend their weekly income in 1968 and and 2018
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The bar chart provides key information about the average family spending per week, between 1968 and 2018. The units are measured in per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that in 1968,
families
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 usually focused on spending on food, but in 2018,
families
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 usually focused on spending on
leisure
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.
In addition
Linking Words
,
then
Linking Words
families
Use synonyms
 focused on spending over 20 per
cent
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 on
leisure
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 spent only under 5% on personal goods.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, the average spend to
families
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 focused on three major sectors, food up to 35 per
cent
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, and housing up to 10 per
cent
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also
Linking Words
 clothing and footwear. In terms of family spending in 2018, people
Change preposition
in
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2018 usually spent more on
leisure
Use synonyms
 than 20%, and transport was nearly 15 per
cent
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
 housing 20 per 
cent
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that in 1968,
families
Use synonyms
 usually focused on spending on food, but in 2018,
families
Use synonyms
 usually focused on spending on
leisure
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
then
Linking Words
families
Use synonyms
 focused on spending over 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
 on
leisure
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 spent only under 5% on personal goods.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, in addition, overall, whereas".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cent, families, leisure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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