IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think celebrities earn too much money.Egree vs Disegree

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Many people believe that
celebrities
Use synonyms
, like actors and football players, earn more money than they should. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion because their income is often much higher than people who do
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 important jobs.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
celebrities
Use synonyms
 are paid a lot for entertaining others, but teachers, doctors, and firefighters, who help society every day, earn much less.
This
Linking Words
 seems unfair because these jobs are more important for our lives.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some
celebrities
Use synonyms
 earn millions just by posting on social media or doing advertisements. They do not always work hard for
this
Linking Words
 money,
yit
Correct your spelling
yet
 they become very rich.
However
Linking Words
, I understand that becoming a celebrity takes talent and effort, and their work brings money to the entertainment industry. But still, their earnings are
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 high compared to others. In
Correct your spelling
conclusion
conclusio
Add a comma
conclusio,
show examples
 I believe
celebrities
Use synonyms
 are overpaid, and more value should be given to people who work
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 important fields like education and healthcare.

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task achievement
Make sure to include specific examples and anecdotes when supporting your arguments to strengthen your position.
coherence and cohesion
Consider having clearer transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
In your introduction, you might want to clearly state your position and outline the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread for minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'yit' which should be 'yet' and 'to high' which should be 'too high'.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
The essay presents some valid points regarding the importance of various professions.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your arguments is logical and generally easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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