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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

To achieve international sporting success, many countries build specialized facilities for the training of top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
There is no doubt that these days
countries
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foucs
Correct your spelling
focus
to have
Change preposition
on having
show examples
achevmeints
Correct your spelling
achievements
 in
sports
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. The question is, should
countries
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 just build
facilities
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 for
spesialized
Correct your spelling
specialized
specialised
athletes
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,
instead
Linking Words
 of providing
facilities
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 to
every one
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everyone
show examples
 else
.
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?
show examples
 In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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i'm
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I'm
show examples
 going to discuss the positive and negative of
this
Linking Words
 development
,
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apply
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 and draw my
canclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
conclusions
.
Body paragraph 1
In terms
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
just
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
 for specialized
athletes
Use synonyms
, the positive side
from
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of
show examples
this
Linking Words
attiud
Correct your spelling
attitude
 it
give
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gives
show examples
 small
countries
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opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to achieve 1st place in
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, when one country
foucs
Correct your spelling
focuses
 on training their top
athletes
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 with
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 limited amount of
mony
Correct your spelling
money
 that will give them
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 chance for success.
In other words
Linking Words
,
foucing
Correct your spelling
focusing
 on top
athletes
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 will make the small nations join the
compatition
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competition
 with large
countries
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.
Body paragraph 2
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 could
led
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lead
show examples
 to
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 number of
people
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 that want to practice
sports
Use synonyms
 and be specialized. To illustrate, you need new blood in
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 would not
happin
Correct your spelling
happen
 if the country just
foucs
Correct your spelling
focused
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the top
athletes
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 and
don't
Wrong verb form
didn't
show examples
 give any attention to the regular
people
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,
In other words
Linking Words
, regular
people
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 need to have
sports
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facilities
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 to practice
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sport they love and how
know
Add the particle
to know
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 could be specialized on
this
Linking Words
 sport one day,
also
Linking Words
 could give there country 1st in
this
Linking Words
 sport if they really love it and have
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 attentions.
Conclusion
In conclusion, small
countries
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 will have higher
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 with
this
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 development, but
this
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surly
Correct your spelling
surely
show examples
 will affect
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of regular
people
Use synonyms
 around the world. For these reasons, I believe
this
Linking Words
 is
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 development.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider reviewing the structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects to your thesis statement. Transitions between ideas could be smoother.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammatical errors, as these can detract from the clarity of your arguments. For example, 'foucs' should be 'focus', 'achevmeents' should be 'achievements', and 'attiud' should be 'attitude'.
task achievement
In your supporting points, be more specific and detailed about how specialized facilities affect both athletes and the general population. Adding more examples or statistics could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of building facilities for specialized athletes, which demonstrates critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance on the issue, providing a clear final thought.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • international sporting success
  • specialized facilities
  • training of top athletes
  • community sports programs
  • state-of-the-art equipment
  • national pride
  • elite athlete development
  • grassroots programs
  • sponsorship
  • sports culture
  • physical activities
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • funding
  • investment
  • amateur sports enthusiasts
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