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Band 7

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the US from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparions where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the US from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparions where relevant.
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The line graph gives information about the percentage of households that owned with variety of types of technology in the United States for a four-year period, ending in 1999.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
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 all kinds of technology,with the exception of the DVD player, showed an upward trend at
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 rise
speed
Fix the agreement mistake
speeds
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.Especially, The proportion of phones rose significantly.
Conversely
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,The DVD player
initially
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 dropped slightly. Yet, it showed a remarkable rise in the following years. The percentage of washing machines and computers was 40% and 60% ,respectively. They stayed at high,increasing slightly.
However
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, others weren't owned as much as these. The percentage of Phones,Internet and DVD Player was around 20% in 1995.
However
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, all of them rose remarkably in the following years,reaching
at
Change preposition
apply
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60%, around 65% and 70%, respectively.
On the other hand
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, phones had the most change in comparison with theirs.It began at 20%,meanwhile,
this
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 increase stopped rapidly,surpassing the proportion of computers,
underwent
Correct pronoun usage
which underwent
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 a rapid rise in given years.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adoption rates
  • technological proliferation
  • year-on-year growth
  • digital divide
  • saturation point
  • laggard technology
  • consumer electronics
  • technological obsolescence
  • internet penetration
  • market dynamics
  • socioeconomic factors
  • innovation trajectory
  • connectivity infrastructure
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