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Band 6.5

Some people prefer eating at home, while others prefer eating at restaurants. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays, a new issue has arisen in our society
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 some people prefer eating at
home
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,
while
Linking Words
 others prefer eating at
restaurants
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.
Both
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 groups have their own views depending on time, budget, and health.
Body paragraph 1
From my point of view, I often prefer eating at
home
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 because it has fewer calories, more diverse ingredients, and does not cause problems with cholesterol levels.
Body paragraph 2
On the one hand, some people prefer eating at
home
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.
This
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 is because they can save money during working hours, especially in the morning, afternoon, and at midnight if they have another shift.
For example
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,
last
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 year, I decided to eat at
home
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 to save money for emergencies.
Therefore
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, eating in
both
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 ways is acceptable and depends on the circumstances. From my perspective, I prefer to prepare my own meals at
home
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 five times a
week
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 and eat at
restaurants
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 the other two times.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
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, some people prefer eating at
restaurants
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.
In other words
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, it depends on their salary, body health, and time.
For instance
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,
last
Linking Words
week
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, I went to Cario Mall with my friend to enjoy our time there and have a meal at a restaurant, and it suited my budget, health, and schedule.
As a result
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, eating at
restaurants
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 improves my mood and ability to concentrate. From my perspective, I prefer to eat at
restaurants
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 twice a
week
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 to avoid being lazy and having low concentration during my duties throughout the
week
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
both
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 hands are worth doing, depending on their needs and requirements, to keep life balanced and make it easier to achieve their objectives.
Therefore
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, I believe the Excel app needs better organisation to optimise consumption in
both
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 hands.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task in a clear way. You discuss both home meals and restaurant meals, and you give your view. However, make your main view clear in the first paragraph and keep it the same all the way through.
task response
Use ideas that fit the topic. The last line about the Excel app does not fit food at home or restaurants. Remove it and end with a short restatement of your view.
task response
Build each main idea more fully. For home meals, explain how cooking can save money and help people choose fresh food. For restaurants, explain how they save time and give people a place to meet.
task response
Make examples support the point. Your personal examples are clear, but add why the example proves the idea. For example, say how eating at home helped you spend less each week.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: introduction, home meals, restaurant meals, and conclusion. Your essay has this shape, but some points repeat, such as your view on how many times you eat out.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The home paragraph should stay on cost and health. The restaurant paragraph should stay on time, choice, and social life.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words only when they show a clear link. Words like 'therefore' and 'as a result' are used, but some do not match the next sentence. Choose simple links such as 'because', 'however', 'for example', and 'in conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion direct. Do not add a new idea there. Say that both choices can be good, but that you prefer home meals because they are cheaper and healthier.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view, so the reader can understand your main choice.
task response
You use real-life examples about saving money and eating out with a friend.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraph breaks and uses helpful signs such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow, and the order from home meals to restaurant meals is clear.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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