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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Many today feel that families should take account for the young generation to
guiding
Wrong verb form
guide

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb guiding. Consider changing it.

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 them on how they can be an ideal person in society
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 others think school should do . As we know both parents and school have a massive effect on children's personal growth and development
thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in my opinion, both equally are responsible. Those who argue mothers and fathers are better for tutoring point out that kids mimic their
parent's
Change noun form
parents'

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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 behaviours and their beliefs too.
In other words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they do what they learn and see from them
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter especially at earlier ages( between 6- 12). Consider adding the comma(s).

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 at earlier ages( between 6- 12). Parents can take the individual step of examining their own beliefs in order to not pass ingrained prejudices on to their kids. Researches show that youngsters who are well treated and taught are more adaptable and suitable for society by accepting tolerance of differences and various ideas without being irritable or aggressive. Others argue school’s curriculum should be designed in a way that should guide students to be proper people
besides
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 other subjects
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as math and chemistry. many education centres nowadays, spend most of their time teaching children science and technology stuff in order to make a bright future for them in terms of employment.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is crucial , but learning to be open, how to communicate and not be harmful to others are
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essential. One of the keys that schools can’t be taught them is increased tolerance of difference, as a countable example of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, In recent decades, gay marriage normalizations. In many EU countries, LGBT become acceptable among people
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 gays have faced problems and many difficulties before. In conclusion, I strongly believe that schools and parents together can make a proper person which
engage
Change the verb form
engages

The plural verb engage does not appear to agree with the singular subject a proper person. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 in a full range of freedom and pleasurable lives and adopt themselves without being harmed or injured
to
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 society.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic but could be clearer in stating your opinion. Consider explicitly stating that you believe both parents and schools share the responsibility in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Some of your paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader. Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear main idea that aligns with your argument.
task achievement
In your examples, ensure that they are fully developed and clearly connected to your main arguments. This will help illustrate your points more effectively.
task achievement
You have made a good effort to discuss both viewpoints and provide a balanced opinion, which is commendable.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant ideas and examples pertinent to the topic, demonstrating good understanding of the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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