IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Whether or not a person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is
bo
Correct your spelling
no
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 denying the fact that some people think that reading is important in both ways either online base or
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paper
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on paper
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 base.
While
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 it is commonly held belief that E-Books
is
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are
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 more effective than
Use synonyms
paper base
Correct your spelling
paper-based
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 reading,there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it.In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 I that consider visual learning is more attractive to the children,which makes them love and enjoy reading.
This
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 essay will first analyze
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 of online reading.It will
then
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 investigate traditional
resources
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 before
finally
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examin
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examining
 my opinion.
To begin
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 with, online learning is convenient
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also
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and also
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 more attractive to the kids.
In other
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words
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words,
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 devices engage the child.
In addition
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, online
resources
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 are portable you could grab them everywhere
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however
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, however
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,it environmentally friendly.
For example
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, kids could read in the car or
in
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on
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 the train the child could
takes
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take
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the
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apply
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advantage of his time anywhere.
On the other hand
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,
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paper based
Add a hyphen
paper-based
show examples
resources
Use synonyms
more
Add a missing verb
are more
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 suitable for the vision as well it less distracting. plus it's tangible which
support
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supports
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 the five senses
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is the best way for the child to learn. I think
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paper based
Add a hyphen
paper-based
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it
Correct your spelling
is
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 more suitable for
the
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apply
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very small kids they prefer
the
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apply
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touchable things
such
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 as
the
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apply
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phsycial
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physical
children
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children's
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 books. Another point to consider, is
paper
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resources
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 it more
save
Replace the word
safer
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 than electronic devices.
Moreover
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, it eco
friendly
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eco-friendly
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 than
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paper's
Change the noun form
papers
paper
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.In conclusion,despite people having different views, I believe that
,
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apply
show examples
 Online books improve digital literacy
also
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 versatile.
In
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On
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 the other
hand
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hand,
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i
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I
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 see that it
not
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is not
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 the best choice for
the
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apply
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kindergarten students because,
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this
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at this
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 age so sensitive
electronic's
Change noun form
electronics
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 could be harmful
for
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to
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 them.

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language
Improve grammatical accuracy by avoiding mistakes such as 'There is bo denying' (should be 'There is no denying') and other typos.
structure
Ensure clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance flow; for example, using phrases like 'On the contrary' instead of 'On the other hand' for contrasting points.
content
Develop ideas more fully with additional explanations or examples, particularly in supporting the advantages of both online and paper reading.
content
You have presented a balanced view by discussing both online and paper reading resources.
structure
Your essay structure is clear with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is commendable.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • luck
  • determination
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • skills
  • continuous learning
  • achievements
  • opportunities
  • networking
  • personal accountability
  • diverse backgrounds
  • access to resources
  • causality
  • creative industries
  • structured fields
  • linear
  • predicated on merit
What to do next:
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