IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Whether or not a person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is
bo
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 denying the fact that some people think that reading is important in both ways either online base or
Use synonyms
paper
Change preposition
on paper
show examples
 base.
While
Linking Words
 it is commonly held belief that E-Books
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more effective than
Use synonyms
paper base
Correct your spelling
paper-based
show examples
 reading,there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it.In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I that consider visual learning is more attractive to the children,which makes them love and enjoy reading.
This
Linking Words
 essay will first analyze
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of online reading.It will
then
Linking Words
 investigate traditional
resources
Use synonyms
 before
finally
Linking Words
examin
Correct your spelling
examining
 my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, online learning is convenient
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 more attractive to the kids.
In other
Linking Words
words
Add a comma
words,
show examples
 devices engage the child.
In addition
Linking Words
, online
resources
Use synonyms
 are portable you could grab them everywhere
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
,it environmentally friendly.
For example
Linking Words
, kids could read in the car or
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the train the child could
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advantage of his time anywhere.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
paper based
Add a hyphen
paper-based
show examples
resources
Use synonyms
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 suitable for the vision as well it less distracting. plus it's tangible which
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
 the five senses
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is the best way for the child to learn. I think
Use synonyms
paper based
Add a hyphen
paper-based
show examples
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 more suitable for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very small kids they prefer
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
touchable things
such
Linking Words
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
phsycial
Correct your spelling
physical
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 books. Another point to consider, is
paper
Use synonyms
resources
Use synonyms
 it more
save
Replace the word
safer
show examples
 than electronic devices.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it eco
friendly
Correct word choice
eco-friendly
show examples
 than
Use synonyms
paper's
Change the noun form
papers
paper
show examples
.In conclusion,despite people having different views, I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Online books improve digital literacy
also
Linking Words
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 versatile.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 see that it
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 the best choice for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kindergarten students because,
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
at this
show examples
 age so sensitive
electronic's
Change noun form
electronics
show examples
 could be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Improve grammatical accuracy by avoiding mistakes such as 'There is bo denying' (should be 'There is no denying') and other typos.
structure
Ensure clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance flow; for example, using phrases like 'On the contrary' instead of 'On the other hand' for contrasting points.
content
Develop ideas more fully with additional explanations or examples, particularly in supporting the advantages of both online and paper reading.
content
You have presented a balanced view by discussing both online and paper reading resources.
structure
Your essay structure is clear with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is commendable.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • luck
  • determination
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • skills
  • continuous learning
  • achievements
  • opportunities
  • networking
  • personal accountability
  • diverse backgrounds
  • access to resources
  • causality
  • creative industries
  • structured fields
  • linear
  • predicated on merit
What to do next:
Look at other essays: