IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some experts belive that it is better for children to begin learning a foriegn language at primary school rather than secondary school? Do the advantages of this outweigh the disaddvantage?

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Some people believe that it is more essential for kids to learn a second
language
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 at primary
school
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 rather than secondary
school
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.
Although
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this
Linking Words
 has many
advantages
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 and disadvantages,
i
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I
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 think that the pros really
outweight
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outweigh
 the cons. One of the most notable
advantages
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 is that
children
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 are more capable of learning
languages
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 when they are young. In primary
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school
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school,
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 kids are still in their developing period. In
this
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 period
children
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 can learn
languages
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 much more quickly by mimicking their
teachers
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teacher's
teachers'
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 speech.
Linking Words
Also
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Also,
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 they can absorb knowledge far better than when they have grown up. Another
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advantages
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advantage
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 is that kids who learn
languages
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 at a young age will have
a much better
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much better language skills
a much better language skill
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language
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 skills by the time they are older than those who learn at an older age.
This
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 gave them a head start and
secure
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secured
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 for them much better educational
opportunites
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opportunities
.
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However
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However,
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 despite many
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advantages
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advantages,
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 it
also
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have
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has
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 some disadvantages as well. One problem is that learning a foreign
language
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 too early may overwhelm
children
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 and interfere with their native
language
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 development.
This
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 is very bad because
although
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 foreign
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language
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languages
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 will be very useful in the future,
children
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 still
needs
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need
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 to be good at their mother tongue because they are still very important for their studies. Despite some difficulties, the benefits of learning foreign
languages
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 in primary
school
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 can outweigh the drawbacks because they give
children
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 the opportunities to be successful in life.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your stance, which is great. However, you might want to expand on the advantages and disadvantages mentioned to give the reader a better understanding right from the start.
task achievement
While your points to support your argument are valid, try to include more specific examples or personal experiences to strengthen them. This can enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay flows fairly well, but consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the transitions between ideas. This will enhance overall coherence and cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, but you could reinforce it by briefly reiterating the main points you discussed. This helps in leaving a stronger impression on the reader.
task achievement
You presented a clear argument in favor of learning a foreign language at a young age, which is a strong position to take in your essay.
task achievement
Your understanding of the importance of native language development alongside learning a foreign language demonstrates good insight into child development.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with distinct paragraphs dedicated to advantages and disadvantages, making it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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