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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows British Emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows British Emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart illustrates the proportions of British emigration to five destinations from 2004 to 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, Australia had the largest number of emigrations throughout the period.
While
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 Spain was in the second place with
a high figures
Correct the article-noun agreement
a high figure
high figures
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 of Briton people.
Finally
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, the
last
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 3
countries
Change noun form
countries'
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 levels were quite similar with small fluctuations over the years. In 2004, about 40000 Briton residents
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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emigrated to Australia.
This
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 number experienced a slight decrease by 2005. Rising significantly to over 50000 passengers in 2006.
Then
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 it dropped to approximately 45000
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
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 in 2007.
Whereas
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 in Spain, the numbers have not changed a lot.
Initially
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, in 2004, there
was
Change the verb form
were
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 about 35000 people who
immigrate
Wrong verb form
immigrated
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 to Spain, and it rose by a fraction in 2004. After that, the numbers maintain a steady decline throughout the years 2006 and 2007. The immigration to New Zealand started with nearly 25000 people in 2003, and it has kept falling ever since, reaching 20000
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
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1n
Correct your spelling
in
 2007.
On the other hand
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, the levels in the USA were erratic. Starting with almost 25000 Briton citizens in 2003, and it declined to less than 20000 in 2004, but it returned to 25000 in the year 2006 and remained stable.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
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 in France, there were about 25000
passenger
Change to a plural noun
passengers
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 in 2003, and it surged to approximately 35000 hitting a high-point , and
then
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 it gradually decreased.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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