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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects.Other people thimk that,in today worldsubjects and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some opine that
history
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 is one of the most compulsory subjects to learn at
school
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,
whereas
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, on the other side, others think
otherwise
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 and prefer Technology as the most essential one. In
this
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 essay, I will examine the pros and cons of the statement
while
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 giving my opinion
along with
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 a summary. There are many reasons why
history
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 is very important to be taught at
school
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 and the prominent one is to understand the cultural
heritage
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. The
students
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 can learn how past cultures and societies were built, how they functioned, and how they have changed.
For example
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, I am Indonesian, and by studying Indonesian
history
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 when I went to
school
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, I can understand the phenomena's nature of the origin of Indonesia's culture and how things have been moving and changing constantly until now.
In other words
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, through
history
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, I can paint a detailed picture of Indonesia's cultural
heritage
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 journeys.
Moreover
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, studying
history
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 and understanding cultural
heritage
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 make
students
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 appreciate their culture. It will grow their connection and love for their culture, and
also
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 cherish and carry on the traditions of their cultural
heritage
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 in their life forever.
On the other hand
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, the coins have two sides. The adverse consequence of learning
history
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 is that it is less relevant to our world now. We are living in a rapid fast-paced modern life that needs emphasis on practical
skills
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 for future careers. By learning technology, it is more relevant to what we need in the job market. The
students
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 can be more prepared to enhance their
skills
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 in fulfilling the job requirements so that they are more ready to enter the working world after graduating from
school
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.
For instance
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, the
students
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 need to master basic tools
such
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 as Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint because all those
skills
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 are very needed to work.
In other words
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, preparing themselves in
school
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 is more beneficial for shaping their future. In conclusion, different opinions in society about studying
history
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 versus technology are not completely wrong,
instead
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, both have different purposes. In my opinion, historical knowledge and technological
skills
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 are necessary to create well-rounded individuals equipped to navigate modern challenges and
students
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 need to study both equally.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the main points you are going to discuss. The introduction of your essay is a bit lengthy and unfocused. It's important to briefly introduce the two viewpoints and your opinion in a succinct manner for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Include a conclusion that summarizes the main points and clearly restates your own opinion. Your conclusion should reflect back on the points made throughout the essay for a strong finish.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with specific details and examples. Your essay has supported main points, but the use of examples could be more specific and directly linked to the statements to reinforce your arguments.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task to form a complete response. You should provide a balanced discussion of both views and your own opinion. Make sure each part is clearly addressed with appropriate argumentation.
task achievement
Present clear and comprehensive ideas, ensuring that your opinion is prominent throughout. Your essay contains thorough ideas, but your personal opinion should come through more consistently across the whole essay.
task achievement
Support your views with relevant and specific examples. The examples should directly pertain to the claims made and highlight why History or Technology is of paramount significance in today's world or their relevance in the job market.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • critical analysis
  • innovation
  • biased
  • contextualize
  • technological literacy
  • analytical skills
  • job market
  • synthesize
  • ethics
  • global challenges
  • historical narrative
  • cultural identity
  • linear progression
  • contemporaneous
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