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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the total percentage of films released and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the total percentage of films released and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar charts illustrate the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
total percentages of
films
Use synonyms
 released and selling tickets in both
years
Use synonyms
 1996 and 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, drama
films
Use synonyms
 comprised the largest proportion of the total in the two
years
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, comedy
films
Use synonyms
 were the hottest
sales
Use synonyms
 in 1996 and 2006.
Whereas
Linking Words
romance
Use synonyms
 genre movies'
contribution
Fix the agreement mistake
contributions
show examples
 were comparable in the two
years
Use synonyms
, making up the smallest contribution. But
romance
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 were higher in 1996 than
2006
Change preposition
in 2006
show examples
. In 1996, the figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 drama movies presented
approxemately
Correct your spelling
approximately
one fourth
Add a hyphen
one-fourth
show examples
 of the total. In comparison, in 2006,
this
Linking Words
 number
soured
Correct your spelling
soared
show examples
 to 35%. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, comedy shows constituted
one fifth
Add a hyphen
one-fifth
show examples
 in 1996, ten
years
Use synonyms
 later the percentage increased by 5%. In the meantime, fantasy
films
Use synonyms
'
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 a fraction above 10% and the number of
films
Use synonyms
 released escalated to around 15%.
Finally
Linking Words
,
romance
Use synonyms
 shows figures were the same in 1996 and 2006, comprising about 7% of the total. in 1996, drama
tickets'
Change noun form
tickets
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 represented nearly 15%, the
sales
Use synonyms
 underwent a slight increase by 2006, being about 16%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, comedy tickets'
selling
Replace the word
sales
show examples
 made up 20% and 23% in 1996 and 2006 respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, fantasy'
salement
Correct your spelling
sales
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 below 5% in 1996 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 climbed to around 6% in 2006.
lastly
Linking Words
,
romance
Use synonyms
 audiences posed 5% of the total in 1996 but the numbers decreased to only 2% in 2006.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words films, years, sales, romance with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • depict
  • significant increases/decreases
  • highlighting
  • drawing comparisons
  • discrepancies
  • notable trends
  • unexpected findings
  • anomalies
  • phenomenon
  • emphasizing
  • evolution
  • implications
  • producers
  • distributors
  • audiences
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