IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience

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Based on multiple observations and statistics a lot of countries have fewer numbers of
students
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 in a
science
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subject
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,
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apply
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because it is a complicated
subject
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 and difficult to study and the new trend that most
the
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students
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 now follow is
technology
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 study .
As a result
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 of
this
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 problem, there will be a shortage
in
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of
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the
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apply
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staff in the medical field and high salaries
to
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for
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the
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apply
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employees from outside the country. Multiple
students
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 do not choose to study
science
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 as a
subject
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 ,
instead
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, they choose
technology
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 or computer
science
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 subjects as they represent the future. To illustrate, multiple new jobs and needs for
technology
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 arise today, large companies like Amazon need
students
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 with a high degree in IT to achieve the financial goals of the company , and employees in these companies have a high salary and positions.Studying
science
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 needs time and money because it is a very complicated and expensive
subject
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.
Furthermore
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 , colleges that teach
science
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 need educational materials
such
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 as dental colleges need dental chairs and other equipment,
therefore
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 ,
students
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 need a huge budget to join
this
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 type of college.
Students
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 who are accepted into
science
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 colleges need to skip their free time and holidays,
as a result
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 of the multiple exams and assignments . For these reasons, student
keep
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keeps
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 choosing other subjects to complete their education.
Students
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 differ in choosing
science
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 leads to a shortage in one of the important fields which is medicine,
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also
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and also
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imbalance
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an imbalance
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 in salaries among workers.
In other words
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, fewer doctors and nurses will graduate from college which can be a serious problem , especially during pandemics like Corona , which result in
a
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low quality services
a low quality service
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low quality
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low-quality
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services. To compensate for the small number of
the
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apply
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health care
practitioner
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practitioners
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 the country will
brings
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bring
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 medical staff from outside they will take a high salary , and need accommodation and transportation which will cost the government a high amount of money. In conclusion, more
students
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 do not choose to complete their studies in
science
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due to
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 the time and
the
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apply
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money requirements and the new era of
technology
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 fields. That will affect society in a negative way like a decrease in the number of medical staff and the high budget to receive support from outside the country,

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coherence and cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more effectively. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and transitions smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Make sure to answer all parts of the question, especially the effects on society, which could be elaborated further.
task achievement
Include specific examples and details to support your points more effectively. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
You successfully identified key reasons why students are not choosing science, such as the preference for technology and the complexity of science subjects.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction sets up the topic well and captures the reader's attention.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math)
  • Perception of difficulty
  • Early exposure
  • Engaging experiences
  • Career opportunities
  • Practical applications
  • Financial constraints
  • Cultural norms
  • Critical fields
  • Innovation
  • Economic development
  • Global competitiveness
  • Public health
  • Environmental issues
  • Scientific progress
  • Educational standards
  • Biodiversity loss
  • Healthcare services
  • Medical research
  • Job prospects
  • Research and technology
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