IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory, job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is believed that when encountering unpleasant circumstances, either financially or professionally, surrendering is the best approach to apply.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 dispute
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 idea and think it is better to try to
change
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
unsatisfaction
Replace the word
dissatisfaction
show examples
 and so do I. Both views are going to be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 strongly claim that you need to accept any awkward situation and try not to
change
Use synonyms
 that in order to live more relaxed.
In other words
Linking Words
, the more you struggle with changing bad occurrences, the more you are overwhelmed with anxiety and distress.
consequently
Linking Words
, you never have the chance to really enjoy
life
Use synonyms
 and appreciate the true gifts given to you
such
Linking Words
 as your family, health and expertise. The reason why they think so is that you do not always have a practical role in indicating any incidence happening to you
such
Linking Words
 as an unexpected accident which can lead to disasters like a heart-breaking loss or an impaired debilitating health condition.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is better not to fight
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 your destiny and try to accept that to feel relieved.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is a very passive attitude to
life
Use synonyms
 which makes you so inactive and unmotivated in
life
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other individuals think that you are the main factor determining what happens to you.
That is
Linking Words
, you are responsible for every single thing that you come across which is the reason why you always need to fight for whatever you feel is unpleasant around you because nobody else would ever do that.
For instance
Linking Words
, you never feel satisfied when facing a problem at work or in your financial
plannings
Fix the agreement mistake
planning
show examples
 unless you try to find a solution to
change
Use synonyms
 that.
This
Linking Words
 outlook on
life
Use synonyms
 not only makes
people
Use synonyms
 feel more motivated and hopeful but
also
Linking Words
 reminds them how critical their role is when it comes to changing the bad situation.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is better not to bother yourself trying to swap bad circumstances around you with satisfying ones as you do not have an active role in
life
Use synonyms
, I firmly believe that
people
Use synonyms
 are responsible for everything happening around them and they will never feel relaxed and pleased unless they actively decide to
change
Use synonyms
 the situation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, but make sure to summarize both sides of the argument succinctly in the introduction. Just a slight rephrasing could enhance clarity.
task achievement
Some ideas could be expanded, especially the examples you provided. More specific examples related to financial or professional struggles might strengthen your argument significantly.
coherence and cohesion
While your paragraphs are logically structured, varying your sentence structures and improving transitions between your points could enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You have successfully presented both sides of the argument and expressed your own opinion clearly, which demonstrates a balanced understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your arguments are compelling, and the overall message of the essay is clear. The use of personal opinion adds depth to your analysis.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
What to do next:
Look at other essays: