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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people guide their children’s education towards specific careers, such as in engineering, medicine or law. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child who has this kind of parental guidance.

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Some
parents
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 actively guide their
children
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 toward specific career paths,
such
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 as becoming doctors, engineers, or lawyers.
While
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this
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 type of parental involvement can offer certain advantages, it
also
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 raises concerns about the child’s autonomy and personal development. On the positive side, when
parents
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 provide early direction and support, it can help
children
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 focus on their goals from a young age. Professions like medicine and law are highly competitive and require years of preparation. With parental guidance,
children
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 may receive the resources, motivation, and financial support they need to succeed.
For example
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, a student aiming to become a doctor might benefit from private tutoring or early exposure to science-related activities.
This
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 kind of structured environment can increase their chances of success compared to peers who are still exploring their options.
However
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, there are significant drawbacks to
this
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 approach. One major concern is that
children
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 may grow up without learning how to make important life decisions on their own. In countries like South Korea, where academic pressure is intense and
parents
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 often play a dominant role in shaping their
children
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’s futures, many students struggle to identify their own interests or passions later in life. They may follow a career path not because they chose it, but because it was chosen for them.
This
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 can lead to dissatisfaction, burnout, or even regret as they become adults.
Moreover
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, constant parental involvement can limit a child’s ability to solve problems independently, making it harder for them to adapt
in
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to
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 the real world. In conclusion,
while
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 early career guidance from
parents
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 can help
children
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 achieve specific goals more efficiently, it can
also
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 undermine their independence and personal growth. Striking a balance between support and freedom is essential to ensure
children
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 grow into capable, self-directed individuals.

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task achievement
Your essay is well-structured and presents clear arguments for both sides of the topic. Ensure that each point is fully developed for a stronger impact.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the topic. However, consider providing a brief summary of the main points in the conclusion to reinforce your arguments.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the case of aspiring doctors, which enhance your arguments. Including a contrasting example for children thriving without parental guidance could add depth.
coherence and cohesion
Well-organized structure with clear topic sentences and logical transitions between paragraphs.
task achievement
Insightful analysis of both advantages and disadvantages, showcasing a balanced perspective.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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