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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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It is argued that
parents
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 have to educate their
children
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 how to be an
influntail
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influential
 part
in
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of
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 their community.
In contrast
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, there are people who think, that the perfect way to teach
this
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, is at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school.I believe that
parents
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 should take
this
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respnsibility
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responsibility
,because they know their
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child
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child's
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 personality,
However
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, others
maybe
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may
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 think that the school will be very strict with
children
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, so the
child
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 will accept it out of
fear
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. Mostly no one can understand and
influance
Correct your spelling
influence
 the
child
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 better than their
parents
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. because, they live with them under the same roof, and have experienced
different
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a different
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kind
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kinds
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 of situations that let them able to discover the
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child
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child's
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personalitiy
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personality
personalities
,
also
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 they can observe their thinking pattern. so,
therefore
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, they will be able to teach them how they can be a supportive individual for their society based on how the
child
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percieve
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perceive
perceives
this
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subject
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.
In addition
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,
children
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 love their
parents
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, and love is a very powerful
motivater
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motivator
 to let them accept
this
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subject
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 effortlessly, and encourage them to do
a
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apply
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great things
to
Change preposition
for
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 the community.
For example
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, we see lots of
influncer
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influencer
influence
 when people
asked
Wrong verb form
ask
show examples
 them how did you become
this
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 kind of person?
one
Capitalize word
One
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 of their reasons would be, because of their
parents
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.
Fear
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 can be helpful when it comes to
the
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apply
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academic
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subject
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subjects
show examples
 to make
children
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 take action and study hard. but,
this
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 is a social
subject
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,
therefor
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therefore
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,
this
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 type of initiative must
comes
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come
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 out of love and
acceptence
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acceptance
 rather than
fear
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 and obedience. Because
fear
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influance
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influence
influences
 their behaviour
temporary
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temporarily
show examples
,
so
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apply
show examples
 in the long
terms
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term
show examples
 they will quit.
For
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instance
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instance,
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 when the
child
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scared
Add a missing verb
is scared
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from
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of
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 having a low score in a specific
subject
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, they will focus on it until they pass it, but after
that
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that,
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 they will stop. In conclusion,mother and father play a huge role
to make
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in making
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 their
children
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 act
according to
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this
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 initiative.The reason is, that they understand their state of being,
while
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 School will be strict with them,
thus
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,
Children
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 will be scared,
therefore
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 they would cease in the future.

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task achievement
Clarify your position more explicitly in the introduction and conclusion to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly relates back to the main topic and provides a smoother flow of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary, as some errors can disrupt understanding and reduce the overall quality of the writing.
content
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is important for IELTS.
content
Several relevant examples are provided to support your argument, enhancing the persuasiveness of your claims.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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