IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the best way to improve road transport safety is to increase the drivers’ minimum age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The
safety
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 of
the
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apply
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public transport is always one of the popular topics among the public. Some
people
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 suggest that the optimal
solution
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 is to increase the allowed driving
age
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.
However
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, I argue that enhancing
minimum
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the minimum
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age
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 is not the best
solution
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. The ideal method is to increase
fines
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 so some
people
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 are more careful when they need to drive. There are many reasons why
accidents
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 occur,
such
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 as exhaustion,
alcohol
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and alcohol
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. During
Chinese
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the Chinese
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 New Year holiday, many
people
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 drive long hours in order to arrive
their
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at their
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 destination early. Unfortunately, many
accidents
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 occur on the highway because of tiredness. The speed of
car
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a car
the car
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 on the highway
are
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is
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 much faster than the
velocities
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velocity
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 of the vehicle on the regular city roads. When
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driver
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a driver
the driver
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 is tired, they might close their eyes without realizations, which might
result
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result in
result from
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 deflection of the car's direction and eventually crashing
to
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into
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 another car.
Similarly
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,
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driver
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drivers
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 will have difficulty
to control
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controlling
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 the direction of
vehicle
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the vehicle
a vehicle
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 under the influence of alcohol. Both examples are irrelevant to
age
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.
Thus
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, increasing
minimum
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the minimum
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 driving
age
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 is not the best
solution
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. The best
solution
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 to improve traffic
safety
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 is to fine the
driver
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 heavily when the
driver
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 does not follow the traffic rules. If
fines
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 are not harsh enough, some
people
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 might not take the traffic
rule
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rules
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 seriously.
For example
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, a
driver
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 might choose to not drink alcohol if they need to drive later
due to
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 the heavy fine. Under
current
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the current
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 economy,
people
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 are tight on money,
fines
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 can remind
people
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 to
have
Verb problem
make
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 rational
decision
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decisions
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 before driving. If the
driver
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 has been fined,
then
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 the
driver
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 will learn the lesson and avoid the same mistake in the future.
Therefore
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, increasing
fines
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 is the best
solution
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 to reduce
accidents
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 and improve road
safety
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. In summary,
although
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 increasing
age
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 might reduce the number of
accidents
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, it is not the best
solution
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 to improve the
safety
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 of the road. Increasing
fine
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the fine
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 is the panacea for transport
safety
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.

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Task Achievement
While your argument against increasing the minimum driving age is clear, you could strengthen your position by elaborating more on alternative solutions. Providing a comparison between the effectiveness of age vs. fines could enhance your argument.
Task Achievement
Make sure your examples are directly linked to your points. For instance, elaborate how fines lead to real behavioral change in drivers, or provide statistics to bolster your claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, but some transitions could be smoother. Consider using linking phrases to lead the reader more clearly from one point to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction outlines your argument well; however, you could make your thesis statement more assertive. Try rephrasing it to explicitly state your position.
Task Achievement
The essay has a clear opinion and indicates disagreement with the initial statement, which provides direction to your response.
Task Achievement
You offer relevant examples to support your claim, particularly concerning the impact of fines on driver behavior.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a good understanding of the issues surrounding road safety, and your points are generally well-developed.
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