IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think competitive sports, such as football, are valuable because they can gather people with different ages and culture together. Some think it can cause problems because people are from different groups and countries. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some folks believe that competitive games like football are assets as they
united
Wrong verb form
unite
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people
Use synonyms
 with variable
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 and
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 others argue it
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 issues as
people
Use synonyms
 are from distinct groups or
nations
Use synonyms
.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both points and give my opinion at
last
Linking Words
. First of all, competitive
sports
Use synonyms
 like football and cricket
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to bring
nations
Use synonyms
 together in
form
Correct article usage
the form
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 of world cups and tournaments.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize word
For
show examples
 example, Olympic Games are
biggest
Correct article usage
the biggest
show examples
 example of sportsmanship to unite
nations
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
 of different backgrounds together, each time they
held
Add a missing verb
are held
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 in different
countries
Use synonyms
 with so many participants from all around the world and audiences enjoy it from
stadium
Add an article
the stadium
show examples
 itself or from
comfort
Add an article
the comfort
show examples
 of their homes through television.
Along with
Linking Words
 that,
sports
Use synonyms
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 in creating bonding between different
countries
Use synonyms
 as England is famous for its cricket team
while
Linking Words
 India is famous for hockey.
People
Use synonyms
 from India are big
fan
Fix the agreement mistake
fans
show examples
 of Ronaldo or Messi
although
Linking Words
 they
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 from distinct backgrounds and
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
. As every
coins
Change to a singular noun
coin
show examples
 has two
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
, there are some downsides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 sport as well. It
some time
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
end
Correct subject-verb agreement
ends
show examples
 up creating disputes among
countries
Use synonyms
 or
people
Use synonyms
 from different backgrounds.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize word
For
show examples
 example each time
India-Pakistan
Correct article usage
the India-Pakistan
show examples
 match
become
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
talk
Add an article
the talk
show examples
 of the town
due to
Linking Words
 their harsh relationship.some
people
Use synonyms
took
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 games more seriously and start hating
countries
Use synonyms
 or particular players which is very unfortunate.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe
sports
Use synonyms
 are very good ways to build up
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 globally by conducting tournaments and world cups. It will be
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 source of entertainment and money, but it's better to watch
sports
Use synonyms
 as
sports
Use synonyms
 and not as competition among other
nations
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Consider using transition words to enhance the connection between sentences and paragraphs.
task response
Make sure to proofread for grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors, as these can affect clarity and coherence. For instance, 'i will discuss' should begin with a capital 'I'.
task response
Provide more specific examples or explanations to support your points, especially in the paragraph discussing the downsides of sports. This will strengthen your argument.
task response
Consider elaborating on your opinion in the conclusion to add depth to your argument and reinforce your stance on the topic.
task achievement
You have presented both views clearly and provided your own opinion at the end, which is a good structure for this type of essay.
task achievement
Your examples of sports like cricket and the Olympic Games illustrate your points well and provide context for your argument, which is effective.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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