IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public spaces such as squares and parks. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some
people
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 believe that all towns and cities should have large spaces
such
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 as
squares
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as well as
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parks
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. I strongly agree with
this
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 opinion because it not only contributes to maintaining and developing local traditional culture but
also
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 helps local citizens to have ideal
places
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 to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exercise or relax after
hard-working
Correct word choice
hard
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 times. There is no doubt that those mentioned public spaces play a crucial role in preserving and promoting local heritage. Spacious environments are always the
places
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 where
people
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 often gather for entertainment or
exercises
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exercise
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 and
thus
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, they are
also
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 ideal
places
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 where social organizations or business communities choose to organize cultural
festivals
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as well as
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 trading fairs. Those public areas are extremely important for local communities to protect and enrich cultural legacies, especially in remote towns or crowded
metropolis
Correct your spelling
metropolises
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.
For example
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, city
squares
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 are usually fully booked for
festivals
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such
Linking Words
 as traditional F&B
festivals
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 or book
festivals
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 because those
area
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areas
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 are popular destinations for young
people
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as well as
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 families, which is the most vital for a festival's success.
Furthermore
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, apart from helping maintain traditional cultures, public spaces
also
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 have positive effects on the public in improving their physical and mental health. After long hours working or studying,
people
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, especially in crowded
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
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, tend to spend time in
parks
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 or
squares
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 to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exercise or socialize as a method to relieve stress, It is evident that all
parks
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 in HCMC are always crowded with
people
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 jogging, playing badminton or chatting. These
places
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 play a crucial role in human life and citizens would be much more stressed without them. In conclusion, public
places
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such
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 as
parks
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 or
squares
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 are essential
places
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 for not only maintaining and developing traditional culture but
also
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in
Change preposition
for
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 improving the physical and mental health of the public.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that every point made in your paragraphs is directly linked to your main argument and topic sentence. Occasionally, some supporting details seemed a bit separate from the main point they were trying to support.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the overall quality of your writing. This will make your argument more compelling and engaging to the reader.
Task Achievement
Make sure to proofread for small grammatical errors (e.g., 'hard-working times' should be 'hard work'). These minor issues can detract from the clarity of your writing.
Task Achievement
In your conclusion, consider summarizing the main points more clearly to reinforce your argument for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a solid structure with clear sections for introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples, particularly the mention of festivals in city squares, effectively support your arguments about cultural significance.
Task Achievement
The language used is generally clear and understandable, which is vital for effective communication.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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