It is more important for the government to spend money on promoting the healthy lifestyle to prevent illness rather than on the treatment of people who are really ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Whether the government should subsidize
money
in healthcare to prevent illness or allocate funds to the Use synonyms
treatment
of patients has become an intense debate these days. I firmly believe that the former option is more beneficial than the latter and will outline my arguments for Use synonyms
this
opinion in Linking Words
this
essay.
On the one hand, Linking Words
treatment
plays a vital role in our society. It is obvious that some diseases are inevitable, especially those that are common in the old. Use synonyms
For example
, diabetes is a chronic condition that affects many elderly people, regardless of their lifestyles or habits. Linking Words
In addition
, government support is critical when the Linking Words
treatment
costs exceed the patients’ financial capacity. Many people in developing countries, Use synonyms
for instance
, cannot afford the expensive and prolonged Linking Words
treatment
for cancer, which has become a major concern of working families. In these cases, providing a cure is the sole way to ensure people’s health and civil rights.
Use synonyms
Nevertheless
, there is a wide range of evidence proving that prevention is always better than cure. By adopting a healthy lifestyle, the masses are less likely to develop illness. The fewer patients there are, the less Linking Words
money
will be invested in Use synonyms
treatment
facilities, medicines and healthcare staff. Use synonyms
This
is substantially profitable for saving Linking Words
money
since that amount can be allotted in other domains Use synonyms
such
as military, and education. Linking Words
Moreover
, being ill may lead to a few detrimental consequences. Linking Words
For instance
, if a worker gets ill, not only their productivity is reduced, but Linking Words
also
their health is compromised. Once the productivity and well-being of citizens drop, it will have an adverse impact on the economy Linking Words
as well as
on society as a whole.
To recapitulate, Linking Words
while
both approaches are essential, I am of the opinion that the government should spend more resources towards stimulating citizens to adopt a healthy lifestyle. Linking Words
However
, the authorities should Linking Words
also
take everything into serious consideration to distribute Linking Words
money
precisely on each side. By doing Use synonyms
this
, people will stay healthy and the economy Linking Words
as well as
society will sustainably grow.Linking Words
Submitted by weezel on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is commendable. However, the coherence could be further enhanced by linking ideas more explicitly and ensuring paragraphs flow more naturally from one to the next with better use of cohesive devices.
task achievement
You addressed the task and presented a clear position throughout the essay. Your arguments would benefit from a more balanced discussion of both prevention and treatment, including more specific examples to support your claims. This would contribute to a more complete response to the prompt.