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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the government should spend money on measures to save languages that are used by few speakers, while others believe that it is a waste of financial resources. Discuss both views and give your opinion

An argument has
arose
Change the verb form
arisen
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 between two opinions, the first one says that governments have to spend
money
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 to protect the rare
languages
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,
while
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 the adverse view believes that
this
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 will be
money
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-consuming.
This
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 report presents both views and
then
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 will conclude the writer's point of view.
To begin
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 with, language is important, inveterate, and useful; as a sequence, it is necessary to protect the different
languages
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. The first point, it is the main part of any culture;
as a consequence
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, it is essential to maintain it. Many reports illustrated that a variety of nations will be
forgetten
Correct your spelling
forgotten
 unless people use their
languages
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, so we should do our best to save the remnants to commemorate the antique nations.
Additionally
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, they can invest in these
languages
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.
For example
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, many
countries
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 offer classes to learn different
languages
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, but fees are required.
Besides
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 that, connecting with native speakers will help to open museums, galleries, and other traditional fairs.
However
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, these methods will be profitable and helpful for the whole country
as well as
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 the native speakers.
Although
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 the points mentioned above are influencing, there are reverse points that hold equal influence.
Firstly
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, governments should invest in searching and learning
instead
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 of that. For
further
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 explanation, many developed
countries
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such
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 as Japan, Qatar, and UAE do not pay
money
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 to save
renmants
Correct your spelling
remnants
 and useless
languages
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, but they use their financial resources to improve knowledge and technology;
as a result
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, these
countries
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 are extremely rich, comfortable, and satisfied.
Secondly
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, improving the population's status should be the government's primary concern. To explain that, there are a lot of developed, rich, and big
countries
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, but their population is not relaxed, restful, and wealthy.
This
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 is because of spending
money
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 on useless fields;
therefore
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, they should start considering their citizens and how to improve their financial statuses. In conclusion, even though
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
languages
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 are important, necessary, and needful, spending
money
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 in other fields is more profitable, strategic, and beneficial. Depending on the points mentioned above, I completely believe that it is a waste of financial resources.

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Task Achievement
Make sure your essay directly responds to the question throughout, maintaining focus on the prompt's key aspects.
Task Achievement
While your examples are relevant, incorporating a wider range of detailed examples could further strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay shows good organization and flow of ideas. To enhance it, try varying your sentence structures and using transition phrases for smoother connections between sections.
Coherence & Cohesion
To further improve coherence, ensure each paragraph clearly focuses on a single main idea, supported by examples or explanations.
Coherence & Cohesion
Successfully introduced and concluded the essay, clearly presenting your opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Effectively used paragraphs to organise different points of view.
Task Achievement
Capably integrated the discussion of contrasting views into a coherent argument.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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