IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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Although
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 the agricultural industry has undergone enormous developments, the vast majority of the population of the Earth is hungry and suffers from famine. That presumably contributes to various political and social factors which can be tackled by applying elaborate approaches.
To begin
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 with, the main reason why many
people
Use synonyms
 are deprived of usual daily meals is the unfair contribution of food and possessions among human beings. Inevitably, wealthy, powerful authorities and individuals have always had a substantial role in impoverishing the poor.
That is
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, the poor have constantly been forced to do long, exhausting tasks to make the rich fulfil their ambitions, making them more and more debilitated mentally and physically every day in return for a valueless amount of money or food;
Thus
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, the more rich
people
Use synonyms
 become possessed the more impoverished the poor tend to be. Regarding how to address
this
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 human’s long-existing issue, there are plenty of solutions to be considered; The Human Rights Council plays
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 role in preventing the abuse and manipulation of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vulnerable
people
Use synonyms
.
In other words
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, there should be some policies to allocate more budget on nourishing the poor. What is more,
people
Use synonyms
 themselves can voluntarily take part in charitable activities and try to help the poor to break
this
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 reverse cycle of deprivation and unfairness.
To conclude
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, despite the progress of agriculture and the development of edibles, there are still a lot of individuals not being able to feel full. Unfortunately,
that is
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 because of the fact that poor
people
Use synonyms
 are always abused by the rich. Establishing strict rules by the Human Rights Council and
people
Use synonyms
's voluntary activities can somehow counteract
this
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 problem.

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task response
Your introduction presents the topic well, but consider rephrasing slightly to enhance clarity. For example, 'that presumably contributes to various political and social factors' could be made clearer.
coherence and cohesion
The body paragraphs are logically structured, but ensure that all ideas are clearly linked to the topic. Adding transitional phrases could improve the flow further.
task response
Expand on your main points with more specific examples or data to strengthen your argument. For instance, mentioning specific policies or successful charitable initiatives could enhance your essay.
task response
You have a clear understanding of the topic and addressed the main points effectively, providing a thoughtful perspective on the issues of hunger and poverty.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your argument and offers a strong position on potential solutions, which ties everything together well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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