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Writing Samples
Band 7

the line graph below shows the percantage of spending in aeuropean country from 1960 to 2000

the line graph below shows the percantage of spending in aeuropean country from 1960 to 2000
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The graph gives information about the percentage of money spent on
Food
Use synonyms
,
Leisure
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, Clothing,
Transport
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 and
Energy
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 in a European country from 1960 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
, four
categories
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such
Linking Words
 as
food
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,
leisure
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,
transport
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 and
energy
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 dropped significantly over the measured
period
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,
while
Linking Words
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, clothing gradually increased,
Additionally
Linking Words
,
energy
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 was the lowest proportion during the
period
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. The percentage of money spending
Food
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 and
leisure
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 showed
much
Add an article
a much
show examples
 bigger figure, with around 33 and 20, compared to other
categories
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 in 1960. In 1980 figures for
transport
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 and
energy
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 decreased to about 25 and 18 respectively.
Food
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 and
leisure
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categories
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 decreased again from 25 and 18 to 15 and 13 end of the
period
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
transport
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 and
energy
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was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 smaller for the remaining
categories
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 in 1960 with 10 and 5. These declined to 8 and 4 in 1980.
Transport
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 and
energy
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 experienced
drop
Correct article usage
a drop
show examples
 from 8 and 4 to 6 and 1 in 2000.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the percentage of money spent on clothing
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 significantly during the
period
Use synonyms
 in 1960 from roughly 9 to 16 in 2000.
Moreover
Linking Words
, clothing was the highest category in 2000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, leisure, transport, energy, categories, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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