IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely at persuading us to buy things. other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give you opinion.

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Some would argue that
people
Use synonyms
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not care anymore
by
Change preposition
about
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 advertising because it is so popular, I believe that advertisement is
useful
Add an article
a useful
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 method to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to buy products. On the one hand, the traditional ways of advertising
is
Change the verb form
are
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 not attracting buyers. Everyone using social media
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 faced over 10
advertising
Replace the word
advertisements
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 every day so
people
Use synonyms
 used to skip
this
Linking Words
 type of
videos
Fix the agreement mistake
video
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 because it is so dull to
watched
Change the form of the verb
watch
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.
For example
Linking Words
, TikTok provides every week new trends
as a result
Linking Words
 of that there is a new movement
people
Use synonyms
 trying to do
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, so cafes
creating
Wrong verb form
create
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an
Remove the article
apply
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advertising based on these trends.
However
Linking Words
, I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional advertising
is
Verb problem
does
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 not
pushing
Wrong verb form
push
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to
paying
Change the verb form
pay
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is thought that big
market
Fix the agreement mistake
markets
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 who contact with famous
people
Use synonyms
they gained
Wrong verb form
gain
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 new customers. Currently
generation
Correct article usage
the generation
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 influenced by some characters which
being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an
idol
Fix the agreement mistake
idols
show examples
 for them, some of them think that when
this
Linking Words
 famous doing
some thing
Correct your spelling
something
show examples
 he
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 the same especially adults.
For example
Linking Words
, BBC shared that Nike company get above 10
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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of
Change preposition
in
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 profits after Cristiano Ronaldo
advertising
Replace the word
advertised
show examples
 when he wearing shoes. I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that advertising
still
Add a missing verb
is still
show examples
 a successful way to make
people
Use synonyms
paying
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
 more money. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
repeated advertising is poor and unbeneficial
to get
Change preposition
in getting
show examples
 more customers, using famous
people
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as players is a good idea, because adults are influenced by known
people
Use synonyms
 which
leading
Change the form of the verb
leads
show examples
 them to
doing
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 what they do. If companies
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to gain more profits, they should allocate a huge budget to contact with big characters in the world.

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Grammar
Make sure to proofread your work for grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect verb forms. For example, 'people does not' should be 'people do not'.
Cohesion
The use of cohesive devices (linking words and phrases) can enhance the flow of your ideas. For instance, consider using 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', or 'In addition' to expand on your points.
Specificity
Try to be more specific in your examples. When referring to trends on social media, explain how they directly influence consumer behavior.
Content
You presented both sides of the argument, which is essential in a discussion essay.
Example
The examples provided, particularly about Cristiano Ronaldo and Nike, were relevant and helped to support your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
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