IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many young offenders today Go back to prison soon after they are released. They seem to re-offend when they are released from prison. Give reasons for this and find solutions that could solve this problem.

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Imprisonment is an institution made to correct criminal behaviour. Why is it that after serving their time
.
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?
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 Criminals go back to their unlawful lives, especially younger people. Leading them back to being incarcerated.
This
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 essay will explore the reasons why young offenders go back to prison and find a remedy for that problem. There are three leading factors that contribute to re-incarceration. Social, economic and psychological factors.
Firstly
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, social complications have a huge impact. Released prisoners are ostracized from their community.
Due to
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 the stigma of being a former criminal.
This
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 blemish is on a person’s record for the duration of their life. It leads to the second plight, economic difficulties.
Moreover
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, no one in society wants to employ anyone with prior convictions, causing a former offender to
reoffend
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re-offend
. Everybody deserves to be able to make a living, and ex-convicts are no exception.
Lastly
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, psychological troubles contribute
immensley
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immensely
.
Due to
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 being imprisoned, offenders develop psychiatric disorders
such
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 as anxiety and depression.
Although
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 these problems are difficult to tackle, solutions exist to mitigate the number of re-offenders. One
such
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 solution is group therapy sessions for ex-prisoners.
This
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 will help to greatly alleviate anti-social behaviour.
Therefore
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, helping them reintegrate into society. In Kuwait, prisons made an outstanding breakthrough in criminal reform. Namely ex-offender employment. Prisons in Kuwait instituted vocational courses that help prisoners gain practical skills.
Moreover
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, helping them find jobs after being released from jail. In conclusion, young offenders have a strenuous life after prison, where their problems are compounded.
This
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 creates a domino effect, predictably leading to prison again. In spite of the numerous hurdles they go through, many are reformed by the proposed solutions in
this
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 essay.

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task response
The introduction sets up the topic well, but could benefit from clearer thesis statement that outlines the main points to follow.
task response
Ensure that all main points are developed in equal depth. The second point on economic difficulties could be elaborated further for better support.
coherence cohesion
Consider using transition words such as 'furthermore' and 'in addition' to enhance the flow between points for greater coherence.
task response
The use of specific examples is important; integrating more specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument for the solutions proposed.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which help establish the main ideas effectively.
task response
The identification of social, economic, and psychological factors as reasons for reoffending is insightful and relevant.
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