IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important reason/factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is no denying the fact that
money
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 is the most crucial part of a job and
a
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apply
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motivation for
people
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that there are other motivations for employment, in my opinion, I consider
money
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 and other essential motivators,
such
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 as routines, to be the most important in jobs nowadays.
To begin
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 with, there are several important factors that help employees get more motivation.
In other words
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,
money
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 and sticking to a routine are the most important
things
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 in the
life
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 of a job.
In addition
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,
people
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work
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 because they need the essential
things
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 in
life
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, and without
money
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, they will suffer from poverty. A relevant example from my
life
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: Young
people
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 in my country always need
money
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 because they have
things
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 to pay for,
such
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 as college fees, food, and other
things
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. Another point to consider
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is, Financial
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: Financial
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that financial
 aspects and routines help employees to be more efficient in the community; we will have great developments in our country. It is
also
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 possible to say that habits and good routines will always help them avoid mental illnesses,
such
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 as anxiety, depression, and agitation.
In addition
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, maintaining good mental health will help them to be more motivated to
work
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, regardless of
money
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.
Moreover
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, the financial aspect of
work
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 will definitely inspire
people
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 because they have to pay for many
things
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,
such
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 as water and electricity bills and food. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views, I believe that encouraging
people
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 to
work
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 with
money
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 is the most realistic and crucial factor in
life
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.
Moreover
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, I see that
people
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 who are encouraged by it always pay it back to the benefit of the country in which they
work
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in
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apply
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, linking ideas effectively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or anecdotes to reinforce your key points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, setting a strong frame for your arguments.
task achievement
Your points about the role of money and routines as motivation were well articulated and relevant.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • basic needs
  • career advancement
  • pension
  • job satisfaction
  • sense of purpose
  • social connections
  • workplace relationships
  • intellectual stimulation
  • societal norms
  • earning potential
  • motivation
  • livelihood
  • financial independence
  • professional growth
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