IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Many believe that competing against others at the workplace, in classes, and in life in general is a positive thing. Others,
however
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, tend to believe that
people
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 should focus on
cooperation
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 rather than competition.
Moreover
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, it has been shown that
cooperation
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 leads to better outcomes for several reasons,
such
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 as the individuals' diversity and the workload balance. One significant reason why cooperating with others yields better results is the diversity of
people
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 within the
team
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.
Team
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 members usually come from various backgrounds and have unique experiences that shape their identity and the way they can contribute to the
team
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.
In addition
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, many organizations adopt the cross-functional structure when forming a
team
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.
For instance
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, an organization building a banking solution will need software engineers to build the digital solution, product owners to translate the business logic, and user experience designers to ensure client satisfaction. Another major advantage of
cooperation
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 is that it results in a better workload balance. When cooperating with other
team
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 members, complex tasks can be broken down into smaller tasks that are achievable by individual
employees
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 or smaller teams.
As a result
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,
employees
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 can concentrate on areas in which they have experience.
For example
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, a beverage company that wants to produce a new drink will split the production process and assign designers the task of designing the bottles, chemical engineers the task of creating the formula, and marketing
employees
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 the task of designing the bottle's sticker. In conclusion, workload balance and
people
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's diversity are the main reasons that
cooperation
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 has a significant positive impact on any organization and in life in general. Splitting the work into smaller units that fit the
people
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's identities and experiences contributes largely to the
overall
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 organizational success. Organizations must always prioritise and promote
cooperation
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 between
employees
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 as
this
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 will result in a better work environment that both the organization and individuals will benefit from.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing more counterarguments to strengthen your discussion of both views. This would give a more balanced perspective on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are clearly connected throughout the essay. Using linking phrases can enhance the flow of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Try to elaborate more on how diversity specifically enhances cooperation, as this point could be supported with additional detail or examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction and conclusion. This helps the reader understand your main arguments effectively.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples that support your main points, which demonstrates a good understanding of how cooperation works in different contexts.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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