IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some believe that people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your experience.

#believe #people #work #age #retirement
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People
Use synonyms
 should stop doing
work
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 once they reached the maximum
age
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 of doing
work
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 , it is thought by some of masses . I agree with the given statement. because ,it is the
age
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 of doing rest
while
Linking Words
 staying at home and by
this
Linking Words
 the younger generation can get the opportunity to make their
life
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 successful . I will explain these points in the upcoming paragraphs
along with
Linking Words
 the relevant examples . Why ,
people
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 should stop doing
work
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 at the
age
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 of their Sixties ? First and Foremost reason behind
this
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 is that young generation , whose recently completed their studies can acheive their dream
job
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 . To Clarify
this
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 , if the older individuals will not get the
retirement
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 in the latter
age
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 of their
life
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 ,So in
this
Linking Words
way
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 new talent not only be able to get well paid
job
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 but
also
Linking Words
 they can not use their crucial information and knowlege for their Country development .
For Example
Linking Words
 :- In India , mostly on higher level
job
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such
Linking Words
 as lawyer
along with
Linking Words
 teaching profession . In these sectors , the
people
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 those are doing jobs from
last
Linking Words
 fifties year are not taking
retirement
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 ,So , in
this
Linking Words
way
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, recently passed graduates are not able to make their place in these fields .
Hence
Linking Words
 , above mentioned factors explain the reason of why older
people
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 leave the
job
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 at the specific
age
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 .
Moreover
Linking Words
 , the another reason behind why after the particular
age
Use synonyms
 of doing
work
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 , the masses should stop working is that they should enjoy their lives
while
Linking Words
 staying at home . So , in
this
Linking Words
way
Use synonyms
 they can spend their important period of
life
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 with their grandchildren .
Besides
Linking Words
this
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 , they should devote their number of hours in terms of doing mediation
along with
Linking Words
 getting the experience of different palces by paying visit to that particular destination .
For Example
Linking Words
 :- An article published in the 'THE TIMES' stated that more than 80% of the older generation living happy
life
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 in the UK because they their leave their
job
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 at the
retirement
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age
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 as compared to the INDIA. In conclusion , it is the best
way
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 that
people
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 should stop doing
work
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 at their
retirement
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age
Use synonyms
 , so they can lives their latter period of time in a joyfull manner .
Submitted by hk356645 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and each sentence supports this idea. Avoid repetition and ensure a smooth logical flow among points.
task achievement
Your ideas should be well-developed and tied back to the main argument. Try to enhance the elaboration of your answers. Think about using 'what', 'why' or 'how' to expand your points and make your essay more comprehensive.
task achievement
You included relevant examples to support your points, which adds depth to your essay. Well done!
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which adds to the essay's readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension systems
  • financial security
  • physical and mental health
  • youth unemployment
  • job opportunities
  • fresh perspectives
  • hobbies and interests
  • passionate workers
  • flexible retirement options
  • social security
  • recuperate
  • decades of hard work
  • contribute skills and experience
  • financial difficulties
What to do next:
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