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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some believe that people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your experience.

#believe #people #work #age #retirement
People
 should stop doing
work
 once they reached the maximum
age
 of doing
work
 , it is thought by some of masses . I agree with the given statement. because ,it is the
age
 of doing rest
while
 staying at home and by
this
 the younger generation can get the opportunity to make their
life
 successful . I will explain these points in the upcoming paragraphs
along with
 the relevant examples . Why ,
people
 should stop doing
work
 at the
age
 of their Sixties ? First and Foremost reason behind
this
 is that young generation , whose recently completed their studies can acheive their dream
job
 . To Clarify
this
 , if the older individuals will not get the
retirement
 in the latter
age
 of their
life
 ,So in
this
way
 new talent not only be able to get well paid
job
 but
also
 they can not use their crucial information and knowlege for their Country development .
For Example
 :- In India , mostly on higher level
job
such
 as lawyer
along with
 teaching profession . In these sectors , the
people
 those are doing jobs from
last
 fifties year are not taking
retirement
 ,So , in
this
way
, recently passed graduates are not able to make their place in these fields .
Hence
 , above mentioned factors explain the reason of why older
people
 leave the
job
 at the specific
age
 .
Moreover
 , the another reason behind why after the particular
age
 of doing
work
 , the masses should stop working is that they should enjoy their lives
while
 staying at home . So , in
this
way
 they can spend their important period of
life
 with their grandchildren .
Besides
this
 , they should devote their number of hours in terms of doing mediation
along with
 getting the experience of different palces by paying visit to that particular destination .
For Example
 :- An article published in the 'THE TIMES' stated that more than 80% of the older generation living happy
life
 in the UK because they their leave their
job
 at the
retirement
age
 as compared to the INDIA. In conclusion , it is the best
way
 that
people
 should stop doing
work
 at their
retirement
age
 , so they can lives their latter period of time in a joyfull manner .
Submitted by hk356645 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and each sentence supports this idea. Avoid repetition and ensure a smooth logical flow among points.
task achievement
Your ideas should be well-developed and tied back to the main argument. Try to enhance the elaboration of your answers. Think about using 'what', 'why' or 'how' to expand your points and make your essay more comprehensive.
task achievement
You included relevant examples to support your points, which adds depth to your essay. Well done!
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which adds to the essay's readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension systems
  • financial security
  • physical and mental health
  • youth unemployment
  • job opportunities
  • fresh perspectives
  • hobbies and interests
  • passionate workers
  • flexible retirement options
  • social security
  • recuperate
  • decades of hard work
  • contribute skills and experience
  • financial difficulties
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