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Band 6

The chart below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.

The chart below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.
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The chart illustrated provides key figures in a town in Australia about a
group
Use synonyms
 of adolescents attending various
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 on different sites.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of the
classes
Use synonyms
 tend to take place in Private studios accounting for almost half of the places provided.
In addition
Linking Words
, School halls in which
classes
Use synonyms
 are held after school and Community halls & others are at 24% and 18%, respectively. 10% of where the dances are held goes to College-based studios.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar chart, Ballet
dance
Use synonyms
 has gained the interest of a younger
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 ( under 11) as 600 students attend the
dance
Use synonyms
 class.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 that number is cut in half for the older
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 as only 300 students aged 11-16 show interest. Tap
dance
Use synonyms
 records almost identical data for the two groups as both under 11
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
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 11-16 participants are at a little over 400 members in
thr
Correct your spelling
the
 class. Modern
dance
Use synonyms
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
, is capturing the attention of the older juniors,
Use synonyms
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 11-16 make up a little over 500 students yet the younger ones (under 11) are at 300 only. In terms of the placement of where the
classes
Use synonyms
 are usually held, Private studios
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a clear winner.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
 the style of
dance
Use synonyms
 for each
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 varies.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words group, dance, classes, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "provides" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution
  • attendance
  • community centers
  • dance schools
  • private studios
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • ballroom
  • analysis
  • popularity
  • accessibility
  • cost
  • cultural trends
  • media influences
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