IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There are many wild birds and animals living in the cities, and some people believe that these animals should be killed, while others think that they should be saved and protected. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Our ecosystem is vital for our survival and the of our planet. It is considered by a few individuals that dangerous birds and animal
species
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 inhabiting urban areas must die, though others argue that we should preserve all
such
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species
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. In my view, it is significant to protect our biodiversity and
thus
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 all
animals
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 and birds should feel safe to co-exist. First and foremost, every living being is a gift and the creation of God. Our ecosystem consists of plants,
animals
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 and humans. Intentional interference by killing wild
species
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 could affect our life cycles. All of us are interdependent and are food in some form or the other for someone. Imbalance in any one type of
species
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 may lead to the life of another type.
For instance
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, plants are eaten by herbivorous
animals
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 which are
then
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 consumed by carnivores as their food intake. Humans eat carnivorous
animals
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 to satisfy their taste buds and in doing so, they kill many different
species
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 of
animals
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.
This
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 untimely death affects our biodiversity. Gradually, these
species
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 will extinct before time causing disturbance in the food chain. Hunting a creature brings in more sin and we definitely are answerable for
this
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 type of crime
Conversely
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, wild
animals
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 are supposed to.do more harm than good. Premature death may save some good human souls.A recent study by the Wildlife Conservation Department reveals that 5% of innocent children fall prey to these wild
species
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. In conclusion, threatening
species
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 of birds should be caged but not killed. Personally, I opine that it is best to conserve them
instead
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 of attacking them.
This
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 will help.both the individual and the society at large.

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task achievement
The introduction presents the topic but could be more engaging. Try to include a broader perspective and introduce the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that every point made in the essay supports your overall argument clearly. Some points seem disjointed or lack full development.
task achievement
Make sure your examples are relevant and clearly illustrated. The example about hunting and biodiversity could use more detail to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Remove minor grammatical errors and improve fluency by varying sentence structures. This will enhance the overall quality of the writing.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear viewpoint on the topic, expressing a strong opinion on the importance of biodiversity conservation.
coherence and cohesion
The use of structured paragraphs to separate arguments for and against the killing of wild animals demonstrates a logical framework.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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