Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development?

To date, social activities on the internet have become increasingly popular, leading to

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

connections in person.

This

Linking Words

trend has several impacts on society.

While

Linking Words

socializing online may

pertain

Verb problem

have

show examples

downside

Fix the agreement mistake

downsides

show examples

including loss of inter-person intimate bonding, and

pose

Wrong verb form

posing

show examples

security issues, the internet can significantly remove traditional social barriers, and can greatly enhance intimacy and safeness through

advances

Replace the word

advanced

show examples

technologies. One notable drawback is the loss of intimate social bonding, and the personal ability to build one.

For example

Linking Words

, youths today are more used to playing games online with friends than playing basketball together outside.

This

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change took away in-person social stimulus,

such

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as reading gestures or facial expressions, from them. In turn, they may face difficulties building intimate

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

like marriage

due to

Linking Words

socially inappropriate behavior or frequent awkward misunderstandings.

Moreover

Linking Words

, security issues lurk underneath the screens. Without direct contact, it is hard to verify the true intent of the person on the other side of the internet, exposing

people

Use synonyms

to safety risks.

However

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, socializing online would indeed significantly remove a lot of social barriers. It would not only shorten the time to

building

Wrong verb form

build

show examples

connections but

also

Linking Words

would

further

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broaden the potential social opportunities.

For instance

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suburb

Replace the word

suburban

show examples

residents in a place where

public

Add an article

the public

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commute is not prevalent can now reach out

Use synonyms

people

Change preposition

to people

show examples

from

other village

Change the wording

another village

other villages

show examples

easily.

In contrast

Linking Words

, in the past,

people

Use synonyms

could only build acquaintances of others through intermediate connections,

such

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as by

Correct article usage

the

show examples

introduction of a mutual friend.

Furthermore

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, advances in the relevant sectors

also

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bring features

such

Linking Words

as virtual video talks and identity

check

Fix the agreement mistake

checks

show examples

, greatly

enhance

Wrong verb form

enhancing

show examples

intimacy and safeness. In conclusion, socializing online may have negative impacts on loss of inter-person intimate bonding, and threats to social security,

whereas

Linking Words

these impacts are not manageable. Meanwhile, socializing online actually brings

people

Use synonyms

from different corners of the world together closer.

Hence

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

is a positive development.

tachanchiang

Apr 11, 2025

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task achievement

Your introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and outlines both positive and negative aspects, which is good. However, consider refining your thesis statement to make it more precise about your stance.

coherence and cohesion

Some of your points in the body paragraphs could be more thoroughly developed to enhance clarity and link back to the main argument. Ensure you explain how your examples relate directly to the main points being made.

coherence and cohesion

Be careful with word choice and grammar; for instance, 'pertain downside' should be 'have downsides' and 'inter-person' should be 'interpersonal'. Such small inaccuracies can affect your clarity.

task achievement

Your conclusion effectively summarizes the key arguments. To improve, you could reiterate why the benefits outweigh the drawbacks in a more compelling way.

coherence and cohesion

Your organization is generally clear, and you have structured your paragraphs around main ideas, which contributes positively to the readability of your essay.

task achievement

You provided relevant examples to support your claims, such as the shift from in-person activities to online interactions, showing your awareness of current trends.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

social media platforms
online interactions
virtual communication
global community
interpersonal skills
digital divide
cyberspace
virtual presence
social networking
mental wellbeing
digital literacy
safe spaces
marginalized groups
face-to-face communication
socialisation

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Some people believe that advertising manipulates consumers into buying unnecessary products. Discuss the reasons why advertising can be so powerful and what measures can be taken to protect consumers.

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

some people think that children who spend a lot of time reading children's story book are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. To what extent do you agree?