IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the past it was only possible to contact people at home by letter or telephone. Nowadays, mobile devices mean that we can communicate with people anywhere and at any time. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Till the 20th century, the
wordwild
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world
 population used letters to communicate for long distance
message
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messages
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.
Then
Linking Words
, with the discovery of new technology, we have changed how to maintain contact with other
people
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. Communication with mobile devices means that
all the
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apply
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people
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 can message or call
with
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apply
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everyone, anywhere, and at any time.
Firstly
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, using the new technology
it
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apply
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procucts
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products
a
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an
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increasly
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increasingly
 advantages. Indeed, we have access to all the information that we want, which before wasn't possible.
For example
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, research in the library back in the day was more difficult and longer than today because nowadays, we have access to digital books, where catalogues are bigger.
In addition
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, the pro to have
mobile
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a mobile
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 device that we can see and talk with
people
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 all over the world,
therefore
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 we could have a speech with
one
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 person from Australia and
one
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 from Italy.
On the contrary
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,
the
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with the
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 dramatic usage of mobiles we lose the natural touch, and we are focusing more on telephones than on
community
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the community
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.
One
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 good example is the indifference to want it is happening in Israel, where a lot of
people
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 are dying for political reasons and no
one
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 would do anything.
Nevertheless
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, the privacy issue wasn't so important
during
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in
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 the past,
whereas
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in
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apply
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these days, it has become a significant problem. The majority of the community is worried about the bank account,
the
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apply
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it
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which
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 is becoming online
due to
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 being robbed. In conclusion, technology has brought a new sense of vitality to society with many advantages, and using those may make our lives easier.
However
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, more power produces more responsibility, and
this
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 could affect how we live in society.
Therefore
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, as with everything in life, we don't have to abuse mobile or electronic devices.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic but could benefit from a clearer thesis statement. Make sure to outline your main points upfront.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates back to your thesis. This will help in providing a better logical structure to your essay.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing communication technologies, consider mentioning specific applications or scenarios that illustrate your advantages and disadvantages more vividly.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, making your ideas connect more smoothly.
task achievement
You successfully identified both advantages and disadvantages of communication technology, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant examples of how technology has changed communication, which adds depth to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Connectivity
  • Geographical boundaries
  • International audience
  • Social movements
  • Convenience
  • Flexibility
  • Emergency contacts
  • Productivity
  • Information accessibility
  • Dependency
  • Over-reliance
  • Face-to-face interactions
  • Privacy issues
  • Work-life boundaries
  • Uninterrupted personal time
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