IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is impossible to help all people in the world, so the government should only focus on people in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 present day, it is often said that helping all individuals
over
Rephrase
all over
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 the world is not feasible,
thus
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 the authorities should only focus on providing aid to their own
citizens
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. I personally disagree with
this
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 statement, and I will explain why in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, providing support to other
citizens
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 plays a vital role in maintaining global stability.
A global
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Global
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 stability can encourage international collaboration, allowing
countries
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 to contribute to
alleviate
Change the verb form
alleviating
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 issues related to poverty, hunger, or even disasters.
For instance
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries
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such
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 as the US, UK and EU sent food and clean water aid to Somalia which experienced severe hunger because of civil war and drought.
As a result
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,
this
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assistance
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 saved millions of
people
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's lives.
Secondly
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, Should richer
countries
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 offer
assistance
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 to another
country
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 which needs help, their reputation will improve, and they will be respected and have a strong influence in the eyes of the world. I do appreciate it if some
people
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 think differently, saying that
citizens
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 pay taxes so the government should focus on serving their
people
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, not other
country
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’s
citizens
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.
However
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, I believe that focusing on our own domestic concerns and ignoring struggling nations is an unwise choice because in the future our
country
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 might need help from other
countries
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. Meanwhile, the nations which frequently extend help to others in times of crisis are more likely to receive
assistance
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 when they face difficulties as well In conclusion, it seems to me that providing aid to other
people
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 in another
country
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 is essential and valuable especially when a
country
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 faces trouble;
therefore
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, the government, I personally believe, should provide
assistance
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 to other
people
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 beyond their jurisdiction.
This
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 help includes several benefits
such
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 as maintaining global stability and
to
Change preposition
apply
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improving a
country
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’s reputation on the global stage.

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coherence
Ensure that your main points are clearly delineated to strengthen the overall coherence of your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear focus and logical connection to your thesis statement.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, try to include a wider range of specific details or statistics to further support your arguments. This would enhance the overall strength and persuasiveness of your points.
task achievement
Your introduction presents a clear stance on the issue, setting a solid foundation for your argument.
coherence
You effectively discuss the benefits of providing aid to other nations, which adds depth to your analysis and supports your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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