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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that we should divide students based on their academic ability, while others think we should educate all students together. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is argued that the
students
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 should be separated into different groups, depending on their educational performances.
However
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, some people say that we should teach them all together. In my opinion, there are numerous reasons for both advantages and disadvantages, so will explain it with my views in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, dividing pupils based on their academic backgrounds helps a lot of teachers manage the subjects and lessons in order to teach suitable knowledge to each group.
For example
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, we can explain some theories in more complicated ways to learners who actually have high marks in exams
while
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 we have to have a slow pace of education for
students
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 who have low marks and particularly fail the test.
Thus
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,
this
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 is an obvious reason that many educators love these kinds of circumstances.
On the other hand
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, there are some negative points,
such
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 as a high ego, especially in the top class.
Moreover
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, teachers sometimes cannot manage the low-rank class because most learners ignore studying and do bad things including sleep, games, and so on.
Hence
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, if you educate all
students
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 together, you will get a balance in the classroom.
Although
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 the lessons are hard, many top
students
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 will give an assist to poor-performance learners.
Lastly
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, you do not need to worry that they will not understand the subjects because other helpers, who are smart
students
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, aid each other very well. In conclusion, putting only the best academic abilities has benefits in some situations.
Nevertheless
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, educating all pupils is something that many academic institutions use to balance the classrooms and do not want to lose the
students
Use synonyms
 out of the knowledge.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear overview of the topic but can be more engaging. Consider presenting a clearer thesis statement outlining your opinion more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider variety of linking words to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' can help connect thoughts better.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, perhaps by referring to real-life experiences or studies that underline the arguments you make.
coherence and cohesion
In the conclusion, reiterate your stance more strongly and summarize the main arguments presented in the body for a clearer ending.
task achievement
You've effectively introduced both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a discussion essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are generally well-structured, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view, discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which is important for this type of essay.
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