IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that engaging in an active pastime does more to develop childrens' life skills than time spent reading. To what extent do ypu agree or disagree?

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There is a belief that
children
Use synonyms
 who
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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freetimes
Correct your spelling
free times
free time
 to engage in energy
comsuming
Correct your spelling
consuming
 activities gain more experience in forming
lifeskills
Correct your spelling
life skills
show examples
 rather than those who read.In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 partly agree with ideas
due to
Linking Words
 the benefits of reading
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 balanced with the other one, which
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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discuss in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
About active
Change preposition
Active
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 plays
such
Linking Words
 as sports or hanging out,
these
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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 do help
children
Use synonyms
 in a certain range,especially in social communication.Those who often
goes
Change the verb form
go
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 out to play
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 more possibility to be connected with others,
example
Change preposition
for example
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as
Change preposition
apply
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a sport that
require
Change the verb form
requires
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 a team.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not only
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
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social
Correct pronoun usage
their social
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 life
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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but
also
Linking Words
gave
Wrong verb form
gives
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 them an opportunity to learn from their friends.If they
found
Wrong verb form
find
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 a party that
match
Change the verb form
matches
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 their interest and all of them have a goal,it will foster them to get more knowledge to compete and to surpass others.It can be pointed out that being active would be a great chance
of growing
Change preposition
to grow
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 the social relationship. But going out without actually learning from
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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paper sources like books or
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
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 will decrease
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
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 of getting better.Reading,unlike the
forsaid
Correct your spelling
aforesaid
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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upgrade the mind or
the
Correct article usage
apply
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logical thinking.If
children
Use synonyms
 only know how to talk without thinking,they will get
slap
Wrong verb form
slapped
show examples
 by the reality
life
Change preposition
of life
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.Because society nowadays
biased
Add a missing verb
is biased
show examples
the
Change preposition
toward the
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 who have knowledge,an example of those kids in remote areas, they
dont
Verb problem
do not
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 have the chance to engage in studying,and all they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 do is physical works which
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
most of the time get
lesser
Correct word choice
less
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 money.So papers could change the young in helping in doing the brain works. In general, both ways of using leisure time
gave
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 life skills,
going
Verb problem
apply
show examples
 help create a greater community and learning through papers
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 inner knowledge,they make up for each other

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task achievement
Enhance the clarity and depth of your argument by providing more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure grammatical accuracy and the correct use of vocabulary to improve overall communication.
coherence and cohesion
Expand your conclusion to summarize your main points and restate your position more clearly.
content
You present a balanced view of the topic by discussing both active pursuits and reading.
content
Your focus on social skills development through active play is a strong point in your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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