IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfied factory job or a shortage of money. Others believe that it is better to try and improve such situations. discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Having less money or
an
Correct article usage
apply
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unsatifying
Correct your spelling
unsatisfying
work
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 has sparked debate in modern times
,
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 since their prevalence is rising at an alarming rate among youth. Related to
this
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 some people support that they accept the situation.
However
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, others think that the problem can be resolved by trying new ways
such
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 as free-lancing.
This
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 essay will discuss both two views and give my own opinion. On the one hand, multitudes
work
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on
Change preposition
in
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same
Change the article
the same
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 place to get
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
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 through their hard
work
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. As
a individuals
Correct the article-noun agreement
individuals
an individual
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, they know that they have to
work
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 for
long
Change the article
a long
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 time and
make
Verb problem
have
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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faith in the company. So, they will get
the
Correct article usage
a
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 position in
same
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the same
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 community.
For example
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, every year thousands of of students come to Canada for their studies, they earn their bread and butter by doing
work
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 for 12 hours or more in warehouses,
food
Correct article usage
the food
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 sector and many more. Afterwards, when they get money for their
work
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, they
stuck
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are stuck
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 there because they think now they have a job whether it is easy or hard, they have to do it.
Hence
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, they stay in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 bad situation without thinking about their health .
On the other hand
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,
instead
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 of doing
job
Add an article
a job
the job
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 that does not make fork happy, they can
work
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 on their weaknesses and learn some new skills. Skills not only help them to enhance their abilities but
it
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apply
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also
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 help them to get a superior job in their field.
For instance
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,
Human
Correct article usage
the Human
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 Resources department recently published an article which said that 65% of young graduates
are try
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are trying
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 to find in the same sector in which they studied.
Although
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 they have to
work
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 a lot on their
weaknesses
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weak
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 points, they will ensure the employer that they will learn from basic to
advance
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advanced
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.
Therefore
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, people can try to improve the quality of service. In conclusion, I believe that learning is a good process to improve themselves,
then
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 stuck on one thing. If the person
Use synonyms
work
Change the verb form
works
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 on themselves, he or she can achieve anything in their
life's
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life
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.
Moreover
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, they get more opportunities than others.

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task achievement
Provide clearer examples to support your points. Make sure they are directly relevant to the argument you are making.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity of your ideas and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that relates to the overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and ensure the correct use of vocabulary to enhance readability.
task achievement
You have addressed both views of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion sums up your opinion well and encourages further reflection on the topic.
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