Too much emphasis is placed on going university for academic study. People should be encouraged to do vocational training, because there is a lack of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the present day, real
word
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world
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needs
requires
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require
show examples
some qualifications more than academic ones.
Furthermore
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, most of the
job
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positions
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need more technical
proffessions
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professions
rather than university lessons. I do agree
to
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with
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the idea which claims that
,
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apply
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people
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must attend vocational training
courses
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, even
they
Correct word choice
if they
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hold a degree certificate.
Although
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,
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apply
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vocational training will lead
people
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to
creat
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create
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a rich background and knowledge from what they are considered to do,
also
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, it will help them to
develope
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develop
their
job
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positions
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.
Firstly
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, training
courses
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will help
people
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to be more
aknowledged
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acknowledged
knowledge
about
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in
show examples
their professional field.
For instance
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, it is better for a manufacturing engineer to learn
working
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to work
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with CNC machines
experimetally
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experimentally
and in
worksops
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workshops
. In brief, nowadays, technical
experties
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experts
play
more
Add an article
a more
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important role than academic
experties
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experts
.
In addition
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, these major effects
are
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apply
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strongly
supporting
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support
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the idea
in
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that
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which
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apply
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, even students should follow a road map of training
courses
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to achieve more experience.
Secondly
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, by having more technical experience and knowledge,
job
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positions
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will grow increasingly.
For example
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, for a single
job
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position which
have
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has
show examples
a
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apply
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high competition,
it is clear that
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the employee's choice
,
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apply
show examples
is the one who has more technical
experties
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experience
.
Accordingly
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, qualifications which
shows
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show
show examples
work shop
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workshop
show examples
based abilities
,
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apply
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may encourage more companies
HOs
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to HOs
show examples
.
Overall
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, the more technical
qulifications
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qualifications
qualification
achieved, the more the
job
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upportunities
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opportunities
will grow.
to sum up
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, vocational
trainings
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training
pieces of training
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will improve either experience or
job
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positions
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. I agree that students and
also
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, uneducated
people
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shall
Verb problem
should
show examples
join
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
courses
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. As a matter of fact, it is predicted that
according to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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tody's
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today's
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and
future's
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future
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world needs, more
people
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going to join
this
Linking Words
kind of
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courses
Fix the agreement mistake
course
show examples
.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer in stating your position more explicitly. Consider rephrasing to clarify your agreement with the importance of vocational training.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the connection between paragraphs. Use more linking words or phrases to strengthen the flow of your argument.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your points. For instance, elaborate on what specific vocational training courses could lead to successful careers.
task achievement
You demonstrate a strong understanding of the topic and its relevance in today's job market.
task achievement
Your points are relevant and address the question, promoting the advantages of vocational training.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic study
  • vocational training
  • qualified tradespeople
  • electricians
  • plumbers
  • prestigious
  • availability
  • skilled tradespeople
  • economic benefits
  • entry into the workforce
  • educational costs
  • societal needs
  • functioning of everyday life
  • shortage
  • professions
  • potential for high earnings
  • career stability
  • overlooked
  • university degrees
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