IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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Some secondary school
graduates
Use synonyms
 opt to attend
Use synonyms
work based
Add a hyphen
work-based
show examples
 training,
while
Linking Words
 others prefer to start a
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
 degree in
university
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. Each option will prepare young people to start their careers in a
field
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 of their choice, and
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the advantages and
drowbacks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
 of
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work based
Add a hyphen
work-based
show examples
 training and
university
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education
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. When a fresh
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
 graduate
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
show examples
 in a training
programm
Correct your spelling
program
 to become a professional in the
field
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, it gives them the chance to gain practical
skills
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 and experience the
work
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 environment
first hand
Correct your spelling
first-hand
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is a great benefit of
this
Linking Words
 type of
trainng
Correct your spelling
training
,
this
Linking Words
 is because it can equip them with the essential
skills
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 required to excel in their future careers.
For example
Linking Words
, a
Use synonyms
work based
Add a hyphen
work-based
show examples
 training
programm
Correct your spelling
programme
 in a
manufacture
Replace the word
manufacturer
show examples
 would prepare the trainee to experience the challenges they could face and how to overcome them. And that could give them an advantage over
university
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graduates
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On the other hand
Linking Words
,
optaining
Correct your spelling
obtaining
 a higher
education
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certificant
Correct your spelling
certificate
 is crucial in some professions. It provides them with the academic background and strong foundation required. In
university
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, students gain
in depth
Add a hyphen
in-depth
show examples
 knowledge in the
field
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 and how to use it in their future profession, which
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work based
Add a hyphen
work-based
show examples
 training may lack.
In addition
Linking Words
,
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university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
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open
Change the verb form
opens
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
wider career options for
graduates
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, unlike a training
programm
Correct your spelling
programme
 which may
strict
Correct your spelling
restrict
show examples
 its
graduates
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 to a single job description.
For example
Linking Words
, a clinical nutrition graduate can
work
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 in hospitals, wellness
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, or even the FDA. In conclusion,
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work based
Add a hyphen
work-based
show examples
 training provides the practical
skills
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 to operate in the
field
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,
while
Linking Words
university
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education
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 provides
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academic knowledge to students. From my point of view,
Use synonyms
work based
Add a hyphen
work-based
show examples
 training disadvantages outweigh its advantages, and more people should start their careers
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 gaining the critical
education
Use synonyms
 for it and gain the practical
skills
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 later on.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear but could be enhanced by more explicitly stating your position or opinion on the topic. Consider adding a thesis statement that directly addresses whether you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
In your body paragraphs, try to maintain a clearer structure. Start with a topic sentence that sets the focus for the paragraph, and make sure each point clearly relates back to that focus.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of spelling and grammar errors, such as 'drowbacks,' 'highschool,' 'trainng,' and 'optaining,' as these can detract from the overall impression of your writing. Proofreading could help catch these small mistakes.
task achievement
Make sure to support your points with relevant and specific examples consistently throughout your essay. This will help enhance the reader's understanding and strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and present both sides of the argument, which is essential for this kind of essay.
task achievement
Your discussion of the practical skills gained from work-based training is well-articulated and provides a solid point for your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
What to do next:
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