IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

All over the world, the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer. What problems does this cause? How can we overcome the problems of poverty? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
Linking Words
 issues like poverty; unemployment and inflation are widely recognized as social evils and progress-threatening, the phenomenon of economic disparities in our society often goes overlooked. It's the problem from which other social issues like class divisions and never-ending poverty emanate. It is only through active involvement of government that equal distribution of wealth can be imagined.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it has only been because of financial disparity that different classes of
people
Use synonyms
 exist. In fact, if it wasn’t for a wide bridge between rich and poor, everybody would have been on the same levels of progress and equally able to afford similar facilities.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who own private jets and billionaire companies, but
then
Linking Words
, there are individuals who are struggling to survive. Even neighbourhoods in some metro cities are designated as per one’s social status.
For example
Linking Words
, there are slums with overly crowded populations and uncollected garbage where
people
Use synonyms
 in rags live. But for high-class
people
Use synonyms
, the living areas are exceptionally clean and maintained. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue, the government has to initiate and execute stringent laws for a progressive tax system, where
people
Use synonyms
 earning more than a specified amount should be paying more tax than individuals working under that income. In
this
Linking Words
 way, the state will be able to spend more on improving the state of the poor through subsidized housing, affordable education and health services.
Moreover
Linking Words
, open awareness camps should be organized on behalf of the state to educate the general public and foster a sense of their right to fairness and equal treatment.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government has to step up and work actively. In conclusion, social stratifications exist because of the extreme economic gap that’s there between the affluent and the impoverished populations. To make our society a more equal and fair place, it’s the higher authorities that have to come up with
tiered
Correct article usage
a tiered
show examples
 taxation model to ensure that wealth in a country is distributed as per one’s needs.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion. However, you could strengthen your thesis statement by clearly indicating the problems and solutions you will discuss in the body of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
You have good logical connections between paragraphs and within paragraphs. To enhance cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant, but providing more specific examples, perhaps drawing on a wider range of contexts or personal experiences, would enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your argument is clearly structured, and your points are well-supported with relevant examples.
task achievement
The conclusion nicely summarizes your main points and reinforces your stance on government involvement in addressing economic disparities.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Income inequality
  • Wealth gap
  • Socioeconomic disparities
  • Marginalized communities
  • Impoverished individuals
  • Privileged elite
  • Disparity in living standards
  • Social stratification
  • Exacerbate
  • Living below the poverty line
  • Income distribution
  • Lack of access to basic necessities
  • Food insecurity
  • Limited healthcare services
  • Education barriers
  • Socioeconomic mobility
  • Resentment
  • Economic disparities
  • Resource allocation
  • Underprivileged
  • Vulnerable populations
  • Cyclical nature of poverty
  • Government intervention
  • Multilateral cooperation
  • Empowerment
  • Progressive taxation
  • Equal opportunities
  • Social safety nets
  • Unemployment rate
  • Corruption
What to do next:
Look at other essays: